Its been awhile

Well..its been awhile since I have blogged. Suffice it to say..my journey has been an interesting one..filled with the expected ups and downs of any journey...Some people have asked me about the blog and when I was planning to write again...its funny..I dont think anyone ever asked me why I stopped...but I will share...

When I got back from Structure House, I was so motivated to stay on track and be one of those people who succeeded..I was determined to prove my therapist wrong...she had warned me when I left..saying that I would not succeed if I didnt continue seeing a therapist...well..lo and behold..she was right...Many people dont know a lot about my past and how traumatic it was...I actually suffer from a mild form of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)...My way of coping with this trauma was to suppress it and not think about the all the feelings that come with it.. well...this method of coping is one of the reasons why I had to go to Structure House in the first place... I tend to avoid anything not pleasant or anything I am ashamed of... anyways... when I got back from my stay, I had Brenda's wedding (Which was AMAZING) and things got hectic...I let myself use that as an excuse to fall of the wagon...I got really busy and just didnt focus as much as I could have.. I felt myself slipping but couldnt quite stop myself...Then I felt ashamed and disappointed because my company had spent so much money sending me to this place and it was all a waste...

I started seeing a therapist again and have been now for about 3 months...what I realize now is that although I have not continued losing weight, my stay was NOT a waste...it was there that I realized the importance of therapy and just how much I needed to overcome and just how hard it is... I wrote to my therapist at Structure House and shared my feelings of failure and she responded and said I am not failing because I am learning how to take care of myself and doing what I need to do to overcome the past... see for the last 20 years Ive though that I overcame things because I survived them...but I am realizing that I need to heal from them...surviving all in itself is something to be proud of but if I never deal with the actual feelings surrounding the events, I will never heal... So..I am starting my healing process...

Its funny because my blog is called journey to a healthy jackie and losing weight to find myself and that couldnt be more true...I might blog more in the near future..and while it wont always be about weight loss..it will always be true to me...it might get personal and uncomfortable but I am doing what I need to do...

anyways..I know this is a lot of rambling (as is my style!! ) and random info..but just wanted to let you know where Ive been...

Thanks for reading and take care!!