Lost

I have been gone from the blogging world for about 5 months and I dont know why I am back. I have definitely have had an interesting year so far. I cant believe we are almost done with this year. Sometimes I look back and wonder if I have made progress and other times I know I have. I remember starting this year so excited because I was going to Structure House and I thought that it would hold ALL the answers to why I have such a hard time losing weight. Everyone was so supportive when I left and I felt encouraged because I thought that I was finally doing something for me and that it would be successful. Well...while I think that I may have succeeded in some ways..I still have yet to succeed on the weight loss front. I feel as if I let people down because so many people believed in me and I am still at where I was when I originally left 10 months ago. Its hard for people to see the progress I am making as a person because its not physical.
If Structure house taught me anything it was that I need a lot of therapy. Not many people know the full story of my life and its because I dont talk much about it. I answer any questions that people ask me but I dont volunteer any information. Most people have no idea that when I was 7, I was raped by a stranger. Or that the last time I saw my mother, I was 10 years old. I thought I had dealt with all the emotional baggage that comes from those two traumatic events but I clearly havent. I am now dealing with this because of my trip to Structure House. Thats HUGE progress to me...
Still, I cant help but feel that I have been a disappointment to all those who follow my weight loss. Part of me wants to tell people to mind their business because I know that I am working on me but I have invited people on my journey and cant get mad when they want to know about it.
Today I am feeling BLAH...I feel apathetic and its because today was a therapy session and my mom came up again...how does a woman who has not been in my life for almost 20 years, still cause so much pain?? I will be writing more and it might get personal....if that bothers some people...I suggest you not read it...
anyways...thats it for now...talk more soon...

As always, thank you for reading and take care...