Fell off the wagon but I am back on!!

Week 2 at home...this week was interesting. I started the week off by eating JUNK! At first I was going to be unstructured just for dinner on Valentine's day because I wanted to go out with my honey and not worry about anything. Well..it was a mini spiral after that..I figured..we are going out for dinner..I could have some coffee before then....well..a donut went with the coffee... TROUBLE!! After dinner, I came home and had some cookies...YUM!! Now, in my mind, I thought...well, I will go back to my structured life first thing on Sunday...

Sunday morning..I wake up and I am not motivated to do anything!! It wasnt even morning..I woke up at 11 because Elio and I had gone to bed after 3 AM! So I decided...I am just going to have a reasonable lunch and then get back to my structure. Not so... that day for lunch I met up with Brenda and Ed and where did we eat? JOHNNY ROCKETS!! The hamburgers were PURE grease...now I am feeling sick and what do I do..eat a cinnabon that night!! I realize that I could have made different choices but I didnt. Ok..so Monday I will be back on..no problem!

Monday morning...I woke up late again because I was exhausted the day before...so I thought lunch..I am back on to my plan..not to be... I went out with my friend and ended up having Panera Bread!! It was sooo good..then we went to the movies and I gave into my mental temptation of POPCORN!! Dinner time rolls around and I made a pizza for Elio and I. We then had some more cookies (which were AMAZING!!) Tuesday was going to have to be my "back to structure" day!!

Tuesday....I GOT BACK ON TRACK!! I went back to my structured eating and have been doing so for the remainder of week. While I was being unstructured, I still continued to weigh myself every day and I could see the numbers go up (lots of salt/sodium in processed foods).... Now that I am back on my plan, they started coming down again.. I am happy to be back on track with my food and realize that a 3 day eating spree is NOT something I am proud of but it stopped after 3 days and didnt continue. I also continued some other good habits, so I didnt sabotage myself too much!!

Moral of this blog: When you fall off the wagon, drag yourself back on!!

Thanks for reading and take care!!

First week at home!

Ok...so I havent written in awhile....I got home on Saturday and it has been a little wierd getting back to the real world. I wanted to come home and see my honey and my family so bad, that I didnt really think about how hard it would be when i came home to implement all the changes. Structure House is wonderful and provides a safe haven. All the meals are prepared there and the gym is right there when you need it. Classes are spreadout throughout the day and there is free time to allow you to work out in the day as well. The most complicated part of the meal planning was circling what you wanted off the menu for the following week. When I was in NC, I thought, this may be hard but I can definitely adopt this at home....

I got home and OMG!! haha..It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I spent hours on Sunday going through the recipes to determine what I was going to make for the week...I then spent another hour or so writing my lists for shopping...then another 2 hours or so actually food shopping!! I felt like thats all I did on Sunday and Monday...then to actually plan 3 meals a day from the top of my head that are nutrionally balanced..WOW...thats a LOT harder..haha..but I have been managing to do it..I have not been perfect since I have been home but I have been structured for about 75% of the time. I am pretty proud of myself and my honey because we have actually incorporated exercise at home. He is joining me on this journey and that makes me a happy camper!

So..yes I will keep this blog and keep you aware of my journey....

Thanks for reading and take care!!

Almost time to go home!

Well..I am almost at the end of my stay here and I am very excited to be going home. I have learned so much here; not only about food and diet but also about myself. I am not sure many people know this about me but that have been times that I have wanted to disappear and just go into a black hole somewhere for about 6 months. I know this is a long time but that was usually when I was at my lowest. So..coming here was my way of disappearing for 4 weeks. I came all alone and was able to embark on my journey... I definitely feel as if I am stronger now and can conquer this weight issue. Ive thought a lot about my weight while here and I realized that I have been heavy my entire adult life and have battled weight issues this entire time. However, I also now know that its not just an issue about food or even overindulging in food. There are so much other factors involved with overeating and the abuse of food, especially when food is viewed as a reward. Coming to Structure House has helped me open my eyes to issues or factors I had been ignoring. Because I am seeing them now, I feel I can address them. In addressing them, I feel I will be able to adhere to my new food plan..

I was talking to the front desk, Jen and Juan, and I was talking about my excitement regarding home and they said the nicest thing. Juan said that I was a delight and they would miss me. Jen said that there are people that they see and fear about their success at home but I am one of those people who she knows will do well at home. That felt good to hear because that is how I feel. So many people have told me that they believe in me. For the first time in a long time, I believe in me. I think that I may have finally turned the corner and am ready to walk down a new street. The path ahead of me is one that will be difficult at times and I know that I will want to quit but I wont. I intend to use the next few days here to continue to soak up as much information as I can. After all, who knows when I will have the opportunity to return!

As always, thanks for reading and take care!

3 weeks and 3 miles

I am in pain today!! I decided yesterday to challenge myself and go on a very hilly walk. Its called the Duke Trail and its a 3.2 mile walk with a few big hills and small hills around the track. I decided that before I leave, I would take the challenge and walk the hill. I remember back to my first walk here at Structure House and it was a very flat 2 mile...I thought I was going to die then. Then I did the same walk two weeks later and it was a lot easier that time... I have been working out since I have been here and felt I could mentally take on the walk. I told my group here that I was going to do this and out of 4 people, only 1 made me feel like I could not make it. He was on that first walk with me and I guess felt that I was not going to be able to handle the intensity of this trail. Anyways...I decided this was it and I was going to go on the walk... So I woke up first thing yesterday morning..EXHAUSTED because I had a late night before hand but I refused to back out of my challenge...I ate breakfast and waited at the bus for us to take off. There were a total of 4 people: Nancy (a fitness instructor and also the driver) , Kim and Chris. Chris is in my group and was there to support me. So off we go...

When we got to the trail, I saw lots of cars parked and many people begin and ending their walk. I started at the same pace as Nancy. Now..Nancy is a fitness queen and set a pretty fast power walking. I was proud because I was keeping up with her...well..that is until this giant hill crept up on us... I climbed the hill slowly laggin behind Nancy.. at this point, Chris was behind us and Kim had jogged ahead (yes..JOGGED!!). We continue to walk and I am feeling the burn and am keeping pace with this Nancy..she was talking and all I could think was..I cant waste any breaths on talking...so I just nodded and gave one word answers...about 1/3 of the way..I am slowing down...I felt like I just couldnt catch my breath...so I started walking with Chris and even slowed behind him a little... At one point, I just bent down and tried to catch as much air as possible. Chris waited for me and he and I walked at a little slower rate. Nancy had long passed us but we continued walking and talking. Chris was able to keep me motivated and take my mind off the burning and nausea... When I got back to the bus, everyone had congratulated me because it was my first time walking the trail..

I felt very triumphant that I had walked the trail and survived! Chris pointed out something to me on our walking...we were significantly heavier than a lot of the other people on this trail.. yet we were able to complete it as well...when I thought of it..I realized he was right. How many times have we judged ourselves and felt disappointment because we feel like we dont measure up with other people. So often we fail to look at things objectively. For example, I was the heaviest one on this trail. Everyone else was at least 50 lbs smaller than I am... so for me to expect myself to walk at their pace and be ok was unrealistic....so I did it at my time and was able to SUCCEED!! YES!!

Like Brenda said... 2 miles in 2 weeks...and 3 miles in 3 weeks!! This is my 4th week but I dont expect to walk the 4 miles- haha.. we'll see!!

As always..thanks for reading and take care!