thoughts

So...I am sitting here in between classes and I am feeling blah today..I am not sure why...I could be a little tired ( I did come late after seeing RENT for the 12th time!!!), it could be because I am a little homesick...I am not sure what it is but I am not feeling all that peppy or even happy. I started going to therapy here to address some issues and while I think it will eventually be something that will help me, it is hard to go through. I dont know what I quite expected but its definitely a hard thing and I have a lot of respect for those people who have either gone to therapy, still go to therapy or have intentions of going into therapy. It wreaks havoc emotionally but its all worth it....

so...yea..its a blah day. Its weird because I spend all day in classes talking about weight and eating and more weight and fitness and weight again and then who knows what else. I am glad I am finally at a point in my life where I can take what I am learning and implement it. I think for one of the first times in my life I am realizing just how important it is to remain active in my daily life and to eat healthy. I remember looking at someone who was always watching what they ate and making exercise a priority and I would think "that would drive me nuts." But I realize that I will become that person.

Weight affects so much of our lives, its unreal... I mean...aside from the medical complications (which are a night mare in itself!)....my weight has hindered me from doing things because I was too out of shape...climbing stairs was not an option because I would be too out of breath... going for long walks were also out of the question because I was huffing and puffing after about 1 minute of walking (ok..maybe not that quick but you get the point!) and then theres going out to eat in the warmer months and not eating outside because of fear the chair wouldnt hold my weight or I wouldnt fit comfortably in it... Then the shame that would inevitably come once these thoughts creeped into my hear... these are just some of the ways the weight held me back...

I am learning about quality of life...its not just going through the everyday motions of just working and stuff but what is meaningful in life. I want a BETTER quality of life. Therefore.. things have to change when I get home... I will be looking for support in this and I know i have it because I am blessed!! :-)

This was just some thoughts today but I actually feel a little better now!! Thanks for reading... take care!!