Forgiveness

Its interesting because just today I was thinking that I wanted to get back into blogging.  Well, actually, I had been thinking about it for a little while.  I even emailed myself a list of ideas because I always think of some topics I find interesting while I'm at work and then I come home and forget them! Anyways, I was going to write about some good news I had but I might leave that for tomorrow.  As I was driving home from work today, I had a very long and intense conversation with someone I love very much.  We were talking about forgiveness and anger.  This person is of the belief that she needs someone to acknowledge their wrong doing in order for her to forgive that person and let go of the anger.  I disagree. 

Often times we are angered or hurt by the ones we love the most.  I believe the reason for this is that we love these people so much, we allow them to get close to our hearts and feelings and give them access to hurt us.  Its not easy to forgive someone after being repeatedly hurt but its important to do so.  You see, when we deny someone forgiveness, I believe we do more harm to ourselves.  I believe in order to forgive, we need to recognize, acknowledge and accept what we are feeling. 

If most people were asked their primary feeling after someone has wronged them, anger would most likely be #1.  Why anger?  Because anger is an acceptable feeling and can often mask the true feeling, which is pain.  I find when I am the most angry, I am hurting and just don't want to say I am hurting.  Maybe I don't feel like being vulnerable or maybe I don't want anyone else to know that I cared as much about the issue.  Whatever the reason, I will often say I am mad or angry before I will cop to feeling hurt.  I have to ask myself what do I gain from carrying around the anger?  I gain nothing. Instead, I suffer from the bad mood or the sour emotions. 

Now, I have to acknowledge why I am hurt.  This is probably the hardest part for most people.  You see, acknowledging hurt also means that you have to figure out why you're hurt.  And this may take some digging and some painful truths. 

Finally, once you have acknowledge the pain, you can accept it.  The bottom line is that we will all feel pain at some point in our life, some more than others.  Sometimes the pain is profound because the hurt or betrayal is intense but its still pain.  Accept that you hurt, accept that you may cry.  Allow yourself to feel the emotions.

Once you have done this, I believe you get to the part where you can forgive the other person.  You may not be afforded the chance of having them acknowledge their wrongdoing.  The key thing is that you're not holding on to the negative feelings.  You're not reliving those painful situations over and over again because you have allowed yourself to feel them.

As I re-read this post, I realize that I sound like a self help guide but its how I really feel.  When you forgive someone, you allow yourself to move on from the bad feelings!

As always, thanks for reading and take care.