The night before...

In 9 hours, I will be on a plane on my way to Utah.  The time has come.  

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am full of nerves and anxiety.  I had such a hard time packing last night.  What do I bring with me?  How can I pack when I don't know what I am going to be doing?  They're going to be taking pictures, what do I bring?  How do I want to be photographed?  How many outfits do I take?  How about what to wear to sleep?  Will I have a roommate?  Is it going to be too hot?  All of these questions kept me up and made it semi impossible to pack but I made it happen!!  

While the nerves and anxiety are a high level, I am also filled with some excitement.  So many people have reached out to me with words of encouragement and support and the positive energy has helped me get excited for this new chapter.   I was emailing a friend and talking with my sister and realized my biggest fear in going away: what if nothing changes?  What if I have talked about this big retreat and shared how wonderful it was for so many people and yet I go and don't discover anything about myself or don't connect with anyone?  How can I come back and face everyone?  I would feel like such a failure.  However, both my sister and my friend pointed out that there is no way I could come back unchanged.  I am going to be in a completely new environment and have new experiences that are bound to change me.  

The key is to not go in with any expectations.  I can't expect to come out a new woman or have a major epiphany because if nothing major happens, it feels like a disappointment.  My goal is to go in open: open to the experience, open to meeting new people and open to connecting with myself.  I want to embrace the discomfort because I am hoping it leads me to embracing life in a new and joyful way.  

Wish me luck!! Thank you for reading and take care!!