Since I have been here, I have been reflecting a lot. When you eat dinner by 5:30, 6:00..theres not that many things to do afterward. In my thinking, I have come to appreciate the supportive influences in my life. I am blessed with a wonderful sister, who supports me in whatever I do. I have a family that is rooting for me to succeed and has genuine belief that I can do this. My boyfriend is amazing with his support of me and my journey. In terms of friends, I am truly blessed by the amount of love and support that surrounds me. I have friends that have just embraced this new change for me and have taken time to reach out to me and let me know they are there. There are people whom I am not even close to or may not even have met yet, who are reaching out in support. That is PHENOMENAL!! It really uplifts me.
I remember one day I came out of an intense therapy session and checked my little mailbox and there were 2 cards from Brenda, my sister. I was so excited because I LOVE mail!! Then I thought maybe one was from her and one was from Ed because he addressed one of the envelopes. I opened the first card and it was this really supportive card from Brenda just reminding me how much she loves me and knows I will succeed. It had a ton of quotes that I will put up later... When I opened up the second card, I was a little confused because it looked like different quotes. Well...when I opened it..I was overwhelmed with the amount of LOVE.. There were inspirational quotes from so many people...to even write about it, is overwhelming but in a good way.. because it reminded me that even when I think no one cares or that I am not alone...
So...this is my THANK YOU to everyone who has shown support in the last 3 weeks!! It has meant the world to me!!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Success
They are doing Success Week here at Structure House and it has been a pretty interesting topic. I guess what I get most out of it is how success is defined. Its almost like the Rent song "Seasons of love" where they ask how to measure a year? 525, 600 minutes (in case anyone was wondering how to measure it in a year!!!! ) Anyways... success in this journey can be measure in a number of ways. I had to place myself in a spectrum that started with the extreme of unsuccessful to the other extreme of successful. I placed myself closer to the successful side. I may not have lost a lot of lbs (although I am proud of what I've lost), but I feel a difference in my clothes, my walking, and my hunger cravings. Therefore, I feel I have been successful. Its funny because I think sometimes we define success by other people's definition. Yesterday we celebrated someone's 100 lb loss here at Structure House. This person still has a long way to go but he has been very successful. I mention this because to look at him, you might not see his success, which might lead you to question it. Success is relative. If I am someone who NEVER exercised prior to coming here, success for me might mean that I have been to the gym 6 out of the 7 days here. That may or may not reflect in the lbs lost but it is a success. Therefore...choose your own measure of success!!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Feelings about weight
I know this is my second post today but I really wanted to just get my thoughts down about something. Today I attended a workshop about raising a child or teen with healthy eating. It was a small group discussion with 7 women, including myself. 4 of us had children and then three of us had kids or special teens in our life. I also wanted to know what they said about raising a healthy kid because eventually I would like to have kids!
So, Marlene, the nutrionist here, was one of the women and she was giving us some information on how to handle food when it comes to children and teen. Several things she said was interesting....like we cant force kids to eat..the only thing we can do is be good role models for them and they will eventually pick up the habits we set and learn to eat the right things for themselves... something to that effect, I am oversimplying it but thats the gist of it... the one thing that struck me the most was Marlene's comment that if there your child is on the pudgy side or the heavier side, that is their weight issue and not yours. "everyone's weight is their own issue." She said heavier kids should not be placed on special diets. Everyone in the family should be eating healthy.
I thought that was interesting because most of the times you hear that these kids should be placed on diets. But Marlene is right...no ones weight should be anybody else's business. I think most of the time kids overeat is because something else is going on with them. I think when people start harassing these kids to eat "better," it not only makes the child feel bad but it may also make them a secret eater, which means they are building an unhealthy relationship with food... If parents create a healthy environment for the kid and becomes a good role model, the child will let them know if they would like to lose weight and seek help.
I think its probably a good protocol for people to stop focusing on what other people weigh and worry about themselves. I am learning so much about why eating for nourishment is so important. There are a lot of skinny people out there who eat HORRIBLY and are not fit or healthy. Just like there are some bigger people who eat healthy foods or are fit... We all need to look at ourselves and find ways to improve our own lives...
Some random thoughts on weight... Thanks for reading and take care!!
So, Marlene, the nutrionist here, was one of the women and she was giving us some information on how to handle food when it comes to children and teen. Several things she said was interesting....like we cant force kids to eat..the only thing we can do is be good role models for them and they will eventually pick up the habits we set and learn to eat the right things for themselves... something to that effect, I am oversimplying it but thats the gist of it... the one thing that struck me the most was Marlene's comment that if there your child is on the pudgy side or the heavier side, that is their weight issue and not yours. "everyone's weight is their own issue." She said heavier kids should not be placed on special diets. Everyone in the family should be eating healthy.
I thought that was interesting because most of the times you hear that these kids should be placed on diets. But Marlene is right...no ones weight should be anybody else's business. I think most of the time kids overeat is because something else is going on with them. I think when people start harassing these kids to eat "better," it not only makes the child feel bad but it may also make them a secret eater, which means they are building an unhealthy relationship with food... If parents create a healthy environment for the kid and becomes a good role model, the child will let them know if they would like to lose weight and seek help.
I think its probably a good protocol for people to stop focusing on what other people weigh and worry about themselves. I am learning so much about why eating for nourishment is so important. There are a lot of skinny people out there who eat HORRIBLY and are not fit or healthy. Just like there are some bigger people who eat healthy foods or are fit... We all need to look at ourselves and find ways to improve our own lives...
Some random thoughts on weight... Thanks for reading and take care!!
2 mile walk
So...on the first real day of the program, I chose to join one of the fitness instructors, Alicen, on a two mile guided walk and thought I was going to die. I remember climbing one of the small hills and thinking...OMG...I am not going to make it...or just pass out!! Alicen had no idea until about 1/2 way through..it was a silent misery...At one point we came to a small fork in the road. The left arrow pointed to the road and the right pointed to the loop, which I thought would lead us back to Structure House...I was praying we went right but no...the woman went LEFT!! Was she trying to kill me? Anyway, we finally made it back because Alicen took a shortcut and I swear I had tears because it was that painful for me...
Well, yesterday one of the people in my group decided he wanted to go on the walk...so I said..I am going to go and see if there has been any improvement in the two weeks I have been here...well..it was a small group of four people and I think I am the heaviest and certainly dont work out as much as the others...but..I took the LEAD!! YAY!! I set the pace, which was like power walking, and I remained in the lead the entire time... I was on a mission...I felt so proud of myself...
We decided to walk the trail every morning and I woke up early this morning and sure enough, we were on our way. This time I had to slow my pace because Chris and Sandy didnt want to go as fast...imagine that..me slowing my pace!
Anyways...thought this was cool!! Thanks for reading... take care!!
Well, yesterday one of the people in my group decided he wanted to go on the walk...so I said..I am going to go and see if there has been any improvement in the two weeks I have been here...well..it was a small group of four people and I think I am the heaviest and certainly dont work out as much as the others...but..I took the LEAD!! YAY!! I set the pace, which was like power walking, and I remained in the lead the entire time... I was on a mission...I felt so proud of myself...
We decided to walk the trail every morning and I woke up early this morning and sure enough, we were on our way. This time I had to slow my pace because Chris and Sandy didnt want to go as fast...imagine that..me slowing my pace!
Anyways...thought this was cool!! Thanks for reading... take care!!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
thoughts
So...I am sitting here in between classes and I am feeling blah today..I am not sure why...I could be a little tired ( I did come late after seeing RENT for the 12th time!!!), it could be because I am a little homesick...I am not sure what it is but I am not feeling all that peppy or even happy. I started going to therapy here to address some issues and while I think it will eventually be something that will help me, it is hard to go through. I dont know what I quite expected but its definitely a hard thing and I have a lot of respect for those people who have either gone to therapy, still go to therapy or have intentions of going into therapy. It wreaks havoc emotionally but its all worth it....
so...yea..its a blah day. Its weird because I spend all day in classes talking about weight and eating and more weight and fitness and weight again and then who knows what else. I am glad I am finally at a point in my life where I can take what I am learning and implement it. I think for one of the first times in my life I am realizing just how important it is to remain active in my daily life and to eat healthy. I remember looking at someone who was always watching what they ate and making exercise a priority and I would think "that would drive me nuts." But I realize that I will become that person.
Weight affects so much of our lives, its unreal... I mean...aside from the medical complications (which are a night mare in itself!)....my weight has hindered me from doing things because I was too out of shape...climbing stairs was not an option because I would be too out of breath... going for long walks were also out of the question because I was huffing and puffing after about 1 minute of walking (ok..maybe not that quick but you get the point!) and then theres going out to eat in the warmer months and not eating outside because of fear the chair wouldnt hold my weight or I wouldnt fit comfortably in it... Then the shame that would inevitably come once these thoughts creeped into my hear... these are just some of the ways the weight held me back...
I am learning about quality of life...its not just going through the everyday motions of just working and stuff but what is meaningful in life. I want a BETTER quality of life. Therefore.. things have to change when I get home... I will be looking for support in this and I know i have it because I am blessed!! :-)
This was just some thoughts today but I actually feel a little better now!! Thanks for reading... take care!!
so...yea..its a blah day. Its weird because I spend all day in classes talking about weight and eating and more weight and fitness and weight again and then who knows what else. I am glad I am finally at a point in my life where I can take what I am learning and implement it. I think for one of the first times in my life I am realizing just how important it is to remain active in my daily life and to eat healthy. I remember looking at someone who was always watching what they ate and making exercise a priority and I would think "that would drive me nuts." But I realize that I will become that person.
Weight affects so much of our lives, its unreal... I mean...aside from the medical complications (which are a night mare in itself!)....my weight has hindered me from doing things because I was too out of shape...climbing stairs was not an option because I would be too out of breath... going for long walks were also out of the question because I was huffing and puffing after about 1 minute of walking (ok..maybe not that quick but you get the point!) and then theres going out to eat in the warmer months and not eating outside because of fear the chair wouldnt hold my weight or I wouldnt fit comfortably in it... Then the shame that would inevitably come once these thoughts creeped into my hear... these are just some of the ways the weight held me back...
I am learning about quality of life...its not just going through the everyday motions of just working and stuff but what is meaningful in life. I want a BETTER quality of life. Therefore.. things have to change when I get home... I will be looking for support in this and I know i have it because I am blessed!! :-)
This was just some thoughts today but I actually feel a little better now!! Thanks for reading... take care!!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Inauguration Day
So...today is a pretty special day in history...and while its not necessarily connected to weight loss, I feel today is a special day. Its a day that will be talked about for years to come!! We are all so blessed to be able to be a part of it in some way and some how. Today is a new day for this country and we are moving in a new direction. I kinda feel the same way about my weight loss. I feel that I am about to embark on a new and healthier version of my life. To be honest, I feel like I am exactly where I need to be right now. I have all the tools at home that I need to be successful, which is the love and SUPPORT I get from all my friends and family. I will be leaning on each and every one of you when it gets tough or I may feel I want to quit and I know you will be there to prop me up!! I kinda just rambled and realized that I strayed...haha...oh well...
Talk to you soon..thanks for reading and take care!!
Talk to you soon..thanks for reading and take care!!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Program
So I have now been here a week and I am losing some weight!! I know most of it is water weight but it makes me happy none the less!! I know a lot of people are curious as to how the program actually works. So here is a synopsis... when I got here, they had me on 1200 calories a day because thats the minimum for most women. They then have a set menu for people eating 1200 calories....well...at meal time, I go to the dining room and swipe my card and then pick my table. Then someone comes and brings the meal. With each meal, I get a ticket with everything I am getting to eat, along with the calories in that meal. Every morning before we eat, we have to weigh ourselves, which sounds a little crazy but you just get used to it... Once you meet with the nutrionist, she gives you the amount of calories you need based on your weight and other stuff...so then you have to plan the rest of your meals based on your calories. That has to be turned in by Wednesday for the next week. Thats how the food goes.
They then have a bunch of classes you can sign up with...They have group exercise classes and try to teach you the right way to exercise. They offer personal training but its at an extra cost, which I dont like but thats how it is. But the fitness is completely up to you. Some people exercise HOURS a day and some barely exercise. I wasnt as heavy into the exercising the first week but I will step it up tomorrow. They suggest cardio 30 -60 minutes a day for 5 - 7 days a week. They also suggest stength training 2- 3 days a week.
They also behavorial classes that you can attend as well. The classes are really meant to show you the relationship you may have developed with food and how it may be unhealthy. They are also classes that show why food should be eaten in a certain way. For example the program sticks to 3 meals a day and theres NO snacking. Theres not even any snacking on healthy foods ..just no snacking. Its interesting because with snacking, sometimes I used to eat just for the hell of it and not because I was hungry. I find the meals are just about enough. I get really hungry at night but I ignore it!!
Week one is over and for the most part, I think this is really doable. I find it a little easier to walk up the small hill and the small flight of stairs. I am really enjoying the water fitness classes!! And I meeting some interesting people... I will write more later this week!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
They then have a bunch of classes you can sign up with...They have group exercise classes and try to teach you the right way to exercise. They offer personal training but its at an extra cost, which I dont like but thats how it is. But the fitness is completely up to you. Some people exercise HOURS a day and some barely exercise. I wasnt as heavy into the exercising the first week but I will step it up tomorrow. They suggest cardio 30 -60 minutes a day for 5 - 7 days a week. They also suggest stength training 2- 3 days a week.
They also behavorial classes that you can attend as well. The classes are really meant to show you the relationship you may have developed with food and how it may be unhealthy. They are also classes that show why food should be eaten in a certain way. For example the program sticks to 3 meals a day and theres NO snacking. Theres not even any snacking on healthy foods ..just no snacking. Its interesting because with snacking, sometimes I used to eat just for the hell of it and not because I was hungry. I find the meals are just about enough. I get really hungry at night but I ignore it!!
Week one is over and for the most part, I think this is really doable. I find it a little easier to walk up the small hill and the small flight of stairs. I am really enjoying the water fitness classes!! And I meeting some interesting people... I will write more later this week!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Kinda Blue
So...today is Friday and about the 5th or 6th day here, depending on when the count started. The program is going well. The meals are not that bad, actually... I know I said that before...but I still believe it. There was only one day where the food was gross....no cheese blintz or bok choy for me....NO THANK YOU!!! I've started working out and think its definitely necessary but I dont love it yet...maybe in the next 3 weeks...who knows!!
Anyways..right now I am kinda feeling sad...I left the gym teary eyed and I dont even know why. As I sit here right now, I am teary eyed. I just miss my life....I miss my babe...I miss my sister...I miss my friends...I am just missing everyone and everything..I remember coming thinking how hard it was to leave and come here but I have it easy compared to some people. Some people have actually left there young children and husbands to come here. However, that doesn't change the fact that I am sad...I know that this is important and I am here for a reason but right now a little blue...
Tonight I am going to the movies to see My Bloody Valentine with another girl here...should be fun! Anyways..thanks for reading...
Anyways..right now I am kinda feeling sad...I left the gym teary eyed and I dont even know why. As I sit here right now, I am teary eyed. I just miss my life....I miss my babe...I miss my sister...I miss my friends...I am just missing everyone and everything..I remember coming thinking how hard it was to leave and come here but I have it easy compared to some people. Some people have actually left there young children and husbands to come here. However, that doesn't change the fact that I am sad...I know that this is important and I am here for a reason but right now a little blue...
Tonight I am going to the movies to see My Bloody Valentine with another girl here...should be fun! Anyways..thanks for reading...
Monday, January 12, 2009
Day 1 in the program
Ok....so I am not sure I am going to be posting everyday but I felt compelled to write today. The first half of my day was pretty non eventful in terms of things happening. I had breakfast and then some classes. We have some things that are pre scheduled for the day and then I add some things to my free spots. I realized this morning that I am actually blessed and very supported. I was filling out a questionnaire and they had some questions about friends and family and whether or not they support life changes and as I answered it...I remembered and really realized that I am supported EVERY step of the way by those that are important to me. I am so grateful for that. That support will bring me through the tough times....Like this afternoon when I decided to go on a guided walk. It was a 2 mile walk and I figured it sounded innocent enough...a guided walk...omg.....I thought I was going to die!! My muscles were killing me and I just wanted to lay down and pass out...I could barely talk when I was walking and really thought I was done but I persevered and made it through!!! :-)
This is definitely not an easy program but one that will be rewarding...
Take care!! Until next time!
This is definitely not an easy program but one that will be rewarding...
Take care!! Until next time!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The day has come!! I am finally here!!
I can't believe the day has finally come...I am finally in Raleigh/Durham!! I am sitting in my little apartment writing my first post and I am READY to start a new healthy way of living. I arrived by 2 and went to sleep almost immediately....I needed a nap...I had a long night of packing and getting ready for my trip. After my nap, I woke up STARVING.... I was scared of what to expect at dinner... well...I had my first dinner already, which wasnt as bland as I anticipated...had chicken parm with whole wheat pasta, spaghetti sauce and green beans with almonds...dessert was a baked apple...which wasnt too bad... The food in itself was not that bad....it could be that I was famished and needed food but I think all in all...it was not bad... After dinner, we had an orientation to let us know what to expect...
As I sat through orientation, I had to think to myself..how did I get here... When I was younger, before the age of 14, I was a little twig...I lived with different people until then and food was always used as a punishment or reward. It was very controlled... When I went away to high school, I had access to all kinds of food at ALL times of the night... and I overindulged...I went from wearing a size 6/8 freshman year to wearing 18/20 senior year. In college, I just added to that weight and graduated college wearing 22/24. That was almost 8 years ago...
In September of 2008, I hit my mental low. I couldnt believe how much I had let myself gain. I had dieted a few years ago and lost 40 lbs but it was all back. I had done another diet and lost almost 20 lbs but those lbs are back as well. I had heard about the structure house (www.structurehouse.com) about 2 -3 years ago but it was a little more money than I was willing to spend.... So I removed it as an option. By September, I realized I needed a change and needed to make an investment in myself. I am fortunate enough not to have any of the ailments and illnesses associated with obesity but my luck will eventually run out.. so..I chose structure house and here I am...
My first day begins tomorrow at 7:45 AM...well a little earlier for me because for some reason, I dont have a pen and there is none in the apt...why wouldnt they provide a pen but expect you to fill out about 4 different sets of forms?? So...I will make my way up and start my journey at approximately 7:25 AM...
I appreciate all the people who have expressed interest and support in what I am doing... I will try to update you as I make progress!!
Stay tuned!!
As I sat through orientation, I had to think to myself..how did I get here... When I was younger, before the age of 14, I was a little twig...I lived with different people until then and food was always used as a punishment or reward. It was very controlled... When I went away to high school, I had access to all kinds of food at ALL times of the night... and I overindulged...I went from wearing a size 6/8 freshman year to wearing 18/20 senior year. In college, I just added to that weight and graduated college wearing 22/24. That was almost 8 years ago...
In September of 2008, I hit my mental low. I couldnt believe how much I had let myself gain. I had dieted a few years ago and lost 40 lbs but it was all back. I had done another diet and lost almost 20 lbs but those lbs are back as well. I had heard about the structure house (www.structurehouse.com) about 2 -3 years ago but it was a little more money than I was willing to spend.... So I removed it as an option. By September, I realized I needed a change and needed to make an investment in myself. I am fortunate enough not to have any of the ailments and illnesses associated with obesity but my luck will eventually run out.. so..I chose structure house and here I am...
My first day begins tomorrow at 7:45 AM...well a little earlier for me because for some reason, I dont have a pen and there is none in the apt...why wouldnt they provide a pen but expect you to fill out about 4 different sets of forms?? So...I will make my way up and start my journey at approximately 7:25 AM...
I appreciate all the people who have expressed interest and support in what I am doing... I will try to update you as I make progress!!
Stay tuned!!
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