As NY is in the middle of a mini heat wave, I spent my day doing one of my favorite activities, hanging out at the pool!! Ever since I could remember, I have loved the pool. There is just no better way to spend a HOT day!
One of the things I do at the pool is people watch. I find it fascinating to see what people choose to wear to enjoy the water. Far too often, I see people, mainly women, wearing bathing suits that are far from flattering. Either the bathing suit shows too much skin, fits poorly or is just the wrong style for the body type. I am SOOOOO guilty of judging these women and thinking that they really need to invest in a mirror. I am often stuck between two opposing thoughts: hooray for that woman having enough confidence to wear what she wants and why would any woman want to look so bad in public. However, today it dawned on me that since I dont live with any of them, I dont know where they are in their life to make them want to come out in something I deem inappropriate.
As my sister, Brenda, once pointed out to someone else, you cannot tell by simply looking at someone for the first time, if that person who you see as struggling with weight, has actually come a long way in their weight loss; for you cant see where she started. When I first heard Brenda's comment, I agreed wholeheartedly with the sentiment but never took it to heart until today. As I watched woman after woman parade in these bathing suits, it clicked for me. Maybe the reason for wearing a revealing bathing suit is to celebrate a big weight loss. Maybe that same woman was once heavier and feels a little more confidence. Or maybe that woman has gone through self esteem issues and has finally decided that she is beautiful the way she is! These are things we cannot see just by looking at the person.
Just because I made this discovery is not to say I will stop judging. I know its AWFUL but some of these suits are just YUCK!! What I will try to do is not judge as much and just enjoy my time in the water!! =) Stay cool!!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
50 lbs lighter!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I did it!!!
So, I guess you can tell by the title of the post that I received some good news when I weighed in today. I am happy to say that not only did I lose the lbs I wanted to lose but lost the two lbs as well!! I have now lost a total of 51 lbs since 2/22/12!! That makes me feel GOOD!!
To be able to say that I have lost 51 lbs is to say that I have stuck with the plan and that its working for me. I have never followed a plan this long or lost this much!! My next goal will come once I have lost another 22 lbs!! I will keep you all posted once that happens!! I will post a pic this weekend of me at my 50 lbs mark!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
To be able to say that I have lost 51 lbs is to say that I have stuck with the plan and that its working for me. I have never followed a plan this long or lost this much!! My next goal will come once I have lost another 22 lbs!! I will keep you all posted once that happens!! I will post a pic this weekend of me at my 50 lbs mark!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Here we go again!!
Its been a few days since I have posted. The last post was so personal, I wasnt sure if I could get back into the carefree posts that I wrote before then but I am back!! :-) I cant promise I wont get that personal again but not right now.
I mentioned last week that I was close to two goals relating to Weight Watchers and I didnt quite make it!! I hope tomorrow I can post with a different outcome. I am SOOOO close!! Its funny because this is the first time that I have actually had weight loss goals but I find their important. Like someone said, goals are dreams with a deadline, or something to that effect.
If I had to think about ALL of the weight I have to lose, I would probably get overwhelmed and want to quit. Therefore, my small goals keep me focused and motivated and it has worked so far. I cant believe I am less than 2 lbs from having lost 50 lbs in months!!
At tomorrow's WW meeting, we will have an open house and I will be saying a few words about how the program has helped me. I hope I am not super long winded. Sometimes I cant help myself. I am so in the zone right now and everytime I am asked, I just go on and on about how wonderful it is...Wish me luck again!
Thank you for reading and take care!!
I mentioned last week that I was close to two goals relating to Weight Watchers and I didnt quite make it!! I hope tomorrow I can post with a different outcome. I am SOOOO close!! Its funny because this is the first time that I have actually had weight loss goals but I find their important. Like someone said, goals are dreams with a deadline, or something to that effect.
If I had to think about ALL of the weight I have to lose, I would probably get overwhelmed and want to quit. Therefore, my small goals keep me focused and motivated and it has worked so far. I cant believe I am less than 2 lbs from having lost 50 lbs in months!!
At tomorrow's WW meeting, we will have an open house and I will be saying a few words about how the program has helped me. I hope I am not super long winded. Sometimes I cant help myself. I am so in the zone right now and everytime I am asked, I just go on and on about how wonderful it is...Wish me luck again!
Thank you for reading and take care!!
Friday, June 22, 2012
Sandusky's verdict
Ok...I know I just posted less than an hour ago but this verdict has brought up so many feelings in me. When this story first broke, I remember I telling my therapist that I was overwhelmed with different emotions but not really feeling I had a place to express them or even how to express them for that matter. This post may be a little erratic and maybe rambling. It is also going to be very honest and probably very long. I apologize in advance.
When I first about this case, I was one of few people who didn't know who Joe Paterno was how big he was in Penn State. If I didnt know about the infamous, JoePa, I knew even less about Jerry Sandusky. I dont always tune into stories about college sports, however, whenever I hear sexual abuse, I am automatically interested in the story. Reason being, I was raped when I was 7 years old.
My rape is something that some people know about but most dont. Its not something that I broadcast but its also not something hide. When I was 7 years old, I was raped by someone from my neighborhood. He was not someone I had ever met before, just someone who asked for helped and preyed on an innocent child. When I finally told my mother I was raped, she rushed me to the hospital, where I stayed for a week or so. I had a lot of my family come to visit and of course, a lot of law enforcement personnel. I remember not really wanting to talk about it. As much as I was constantly being told that it was not my fault and I did nothing wrong, I felt that it was my fault. I talked to a stranger, when my mother had drilled in my head not to talk to strangers. Then when I was told by a family member, not to discuss my rape with anyone, it sort of cemented the "shame" that I felt. I kept it buried for years until I finally sought therapy 3 1/2 years ago and am now able to talk about it.
I remember how I felt as a 7 year old who just had her innocence shattered by 1 sexual assault. I had a supportive family and thankfully didnt know the person responsible. I felt loved but still felt like something was wrong with me. I was "tarnished" and its a feeling that sometimes haunts me some 25 years after the rape. I could only imagine how some of this man's victims felt. They knew and trusted him and he preyed on them for his own sick pleasure. The fact that it has been proven that people in power were made aware of the abuse and chose to protect the image of the school over the well being of the children sickens me.
I really dont care about JoePa and all that he did for the school of Penn State. I am not saying that I am glad he is dead but I am not overcome with grief either. He is responsible for any victim brutalized after he was informed of the abuse. Hearing countless stories from people who worked with him and confirmed that he knew of most major things happening at the school and also reading the grand jury report, no one will ever convince me that he was innocent in this. He many not have been the actual monster committing the unspeakable acts but he is most certainly responsible for allowing it to continue. He, along with everyone else in power who knew of the abuse, should be held responsible!! If I were being abused and knew that it was being allowed, I am not sure how it would make me feel. Less than human? Worthless?? This is what was done to these kids and who knows how many others that have not come forward.
I guess I am happy with the verdict. At least the victims who had to relive their personal nightmares didnt do it in vain. Hopefully, none of appeals will overturn the verdict. This may sound harsh but I hope he rots in jail and then in hell!! \
Anyways, I've rambled on and can say I feel a little bit better. I still have tumbling emotions and may continue to post...who knows!
Thanks for reading again and take care!
When I first about this case, I was one of few people who didn't know who Joe Paterno was how big he was in Penn State. If I didnt know about the infamous, JoePa, I knew even less about Jerry Sandusky. I dont always tune into stories about college sports, however, whenever I hear sexual abuse, I am automatically interested in the story. Reason being, I was raped when I was 7 years old.
My rape is something that some people know about but most dont. Its not something that I broadcast but its also not something hide. When I was 7 years old, I was raped by someone from my neighborhood. He was not someone I had ever met before, just someone who asked for helped and preyed on an innocent child. When I finally told my mother I was raped, she rushed me to the hospital, where I stayed for a week or so. I had a lot of my family come to visit and of course, a lot of law enforcement personnel. I remember not really wanting to talk about it. As much as I was constantly being told that it was not my fault and I did nothing wrong, I felt that it was my fault. I talked to a stranger, when my mother had drilled in my head not to talk to strangers. Then when I was told by a family member, not to discuss my rape with anyone, it sort of cemented the "shame" that I felt. I kept it buried for years until I finally sought therapy 3 1/2 years ago and am now able to talk about it.
I remember how I felt as a 7 year old who just had her innocence shattered by 1 sexual assault. I had a supportive family and thankfully didnt know the person responsible. I felt loved but still felt like something was wrong with me. I was "tarnished" and its a feeling that sometimes haunts me some 25 years after the rape. I could only imagine how some of this man's victims felt. They knew and trusted him and he preyed on them for his own sick pleasure. The fact that it has been proven that people in power were made aware of the abuse and chose to protect the image of the school over the well being of the children sickens me.
I really dont care about JoePa and all that he did for the school of Penn State. I am not saying that I am glad he is dead but I am not overcome with grief either. He is responsible for any victim brutalized after he was informed of the abuse. Hearing countless stories from people who worked with him and confirmed that he knew of most major things happening at the school and also reading the grand jury report, no one will ever convince me that he was innocent in this. He many not have been the actual monster committing the unspeakable acts but he is most certainly responsible for allowing it to continue. He, along with everyone else in power who knew of the abuse, should be held responsible!! If I were being abused and knew that it was being allowed, I am not sure how it would make me feel. Less than human? Worthless?? This is what was done to these kids and who knows how many others that have not come forward.
I guess I am happy with the verdict. At least the victims who had to relive their personal nightmares didnt do it in vain. Hopefully, none of appeals will overturn the verdict. This may sound harsh but I hope he rots in jail and then in hell!! \
Anyways, I've rambled on and can say I feel a little bit better. I still have tumbling emotions and may continue to post...who knows!
Thanks for reading again and take care!
Diets
Lately, as people have noticed my weight loss, diets have naturally been a topic of conversation. I find myself constantly repeating that I don't feel like I am on a diet. This is a lifestyle change that I have made. I am making every effort to not only change how I look but also to change my relationship with food. Its not about just losing the excess weight that I currently have but once its off, I will have to maintain the loss. The only way I can do this is to eat as I will eat for the rest of my life.
The problem I have with most of the main diets like Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and even Atkins is that they're unrealistic. With the first 2, from what I understand, the meals are delivered to your home and you're really only heating it up. With the last diet, you're completely giving up a food group. What happens when most people meet their goal weight with those diets and go back to eating regular foods?? They regain what they lost and sometimes gain some extra pounds just for good measure. SURPRISED?!?! You shouldnt be. These diets' success is mainly based on eating "special" foods or in a "different" way then normal. So, when you go back to eating normal foods, your weight skyrockets!! Like a friend told me her fiance said, the weight is like the Jeffersons' theme song, just movin' on up!!
One of the reasons I LOVE Weight Watchers is because I eat regular food. I mainly just changed my portion size and also how I eat my favorite foods. For example, my breakfast this morning was a ham, pepper jack cheese and onion egg white omelette with an english muffin. It was DELICIOUS!! For lunch, I had roasted chicken, rice and veggies. This was also very tasty!! I ate relatively light for the day because I was supposed to go to eat tonight. My plans were cancelled, so I had enough points to eat one of my favorite foods, CHINESE!! :-) In the past, I would have eaten a sausage, egg and cheese for breakfast, maybe McDonald's 20 piece for lunch and also indulged in a high point (HIGH FAT) dinner. Sometimes I may have eaten a dessert. Now I plan what I am going to eat. If I know that I am going to be going out and I make better choices during the day. This way when I am indulging for dinner, I dont feel guilty because I planned for it.
Now, this is not to say that it is easy. As my sister reminded me today, no diet or lifestyle change is easy. They ALL require work and effort; some a little more than others. I measure or weigh everything I eat. I dont just eat what I want anymore. If I am going out to eat, I typically research where I am going and then determine how many points the meals that I am interested are. This can take up to an hour at a time but you know, its worth it. I like the fact that I can normally and even go out and not have to depend on grilled chicken and salad, which while good, can be extemely BORING!!
I am not a spokesperson for Weight Watchers, at least not yet! :-) I advocate people lose weight however works for them, just make sure you think about how you're going to maintain the weight loss. This way you are creating a path for success!!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
The problem I have with most of the main diets like Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and even Atkins is that they're unrealistic. With the first 2, from what I understand, the meals are delivered to your home and you're really only heating it up. With the last diet, you're completely giving up a food group. What happens when most people meet their goal weight with those diets and go back to eating regular foods?? They regain what they lost and sometimes gain some extra pounds just for good measure. SURPRISED?!?! You shouldnt be. These diets' success is mainly based on eating "special" foods or in a "different" way then normal. So, when you go back to eating normal foods, your weight skyrockets!! Like a friend told me her fiance said, the weight is like the Jeffersons' theme song, just movin' on up!!
One of the reasons I LOVE Weight Watchers is because I eat regular food. I mainly just changed my portion size and also how I eat my favorite foods. For example, my breakfast this morning was a ham, pepper jack cheese and onion egg white omelette with an english muffin. It was DELICIOUS!! For lunch, I had roasted chicken, rice and veggies. This was also very tasty!! I ate relatively light for the day because I was supposed to go to eat tonight. My plans were cancelled, so I had enough points to eat one of my favorite foods, CHINESE!! :-) In the past, I would have eaten a sausage, egg and cheese for breakfast, maybe McDonald's 20 piece for lunch and also indulged in a high point (HIGH FAT) dinner. Sometimes I may have eaten a dessert. Now I plan what I am going to eat. If I know that I am going to be going out and I make better choices during the day. This way when I am indulging for dinner, I dont feel guilty because I planned for it.
Now, this is not to say that it is easy. As my sister reminded me today, no diet or lifestyle change is easy. They ALL require work and effort; some a little more than others. I measure or weigh everything I eat. I dont just eat what I want anymore. If I am going out to eat, I typically research where I am going and then determine how many points the meals that I am interested are. This can take up to an hour at a time but you know, its worth it. I like the fact that I can normally and even go out and not have to depend on grilled chicken and salad, which while good, can be extemely BORING!!
I am not a spokesperson for Weight Watchers, at least not yet! :-) I advocate people lose weight however works for them, just make sure you think about how you're going to maintain the weight loss. This way you are creating a path for success!!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
So close....
So... I weighed in today and did not meet any of my small goals!! I actually went up .2 lbs. The funny thing is that I wasn't terribly disappointed. I was more annoyed than anything else! I think I would have felt the same way if I had lost only .2 lbs. I am not discouraged by the lack off a loss. If anything, I am more determined to reach my goal!! Keep the good thoughts coming!! As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Inspirational
Since I have restarted posting in this blog, I have received so many wonderful messages of support and encouragement!! It really means a lot that people are rooting for me on my journey and enjoying what they read. Sometimes I question whether or not I should continue blogging because what if people get bored of what I write or are just not interested. But the real reason I blog is for myself. I like expressing what I am going through and enjoy having a forum to do so.
So often in the last 4 months I have heard that I was an inspiration to someone and that leaves me in awe. The fact that people can see how hard I am working pleases me. Sometimes it can be a little scary because I hate disappointing people. However, as long as I continue being true to myself and my path, I will be ok. I am no longer striving to be perfect, as I have mentioned before, just striving to be the best "me!"
The inspiration works both ways. Everytime I am told of someone trying to become healthier, it reminds me why I started and pushes me forward. I feel like I have a personal cheering section and also additional people who can help me on days I need someone to lean on. That feels good!! :-)
In the spirit of needing support and good vibes, I weigh in tomorrow and I am SOOO nervous because I am so close to my two small goals!! I will keep you posted and let you know if I met any of them!! Wish me luck!
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
So often in the last 4 months I have heard that I was an inspiration to someone and that leaves me in awe. The fact that people can see how hard I am working pleases me. Sometimes it can be a little scary because I hate disappointing people. However, as long as I continue being true to myself and my path, I will be ok. I am no longer striving to be perfect, as I have mentioned before, just striving to be the best "me!"
The inspiration works both ways. Everytime I am told of someone trying to become healthier, it reminds me why I started and pushes me forward. I feel like I have a personal cheering section and also additional people who can help me on days I need someone to lean on. That feels good!! :-)
In the spirit of needing support and good vibes, I weigh in tomorrow and I am SOOO nervous because I am so close to my two small goals!! I will keep you posted and let you know if I met any of them!! Wish me luck!
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
I found my neck!
I know that sounds like a wierd title for a post but I promise it means something! :-)
I was at work yesterday and showing my friend my blog. When showing her my pictures, I realized that I needed a close up of myself in January to really note the difference in my appearance after the weight loss. First I logged onto FB and showed her the close up from January. Then, I pulled up a picture on my Itouch that I took on 3/30/12 and finally I took a picture of myself at that moment. When she saw the pic from January and then March, she commented that there was a huge difference! However, when she saw the picture I took and the other ones, she was SHOCKED!! She couldnt believe the difference!! Then she said something that cracked me up at first and then made me realize somethings. She said, "Look, you have a neck now!!" I looked at the difference pictures and realize that my face was so big before that you couldnt clearly see my neck in the pictures from before. However, in the picture from yesterday, my neck was clearly visible!! Hence, I found my neck!
I realized at that moment that I never really looked at my pictures before. I always zeroed in on my face because thats where I saw the issue but in reality, I didnt look at the rest of me. This is also how I looked in mirrors! I never looked in a full length mirror because I really didnt like what I see. When I looked at the smaller mirrors, I only focused on my face and hair and blocked everything else out. Maybe thats why when people ask me if I see the difference, I honestly cant. I mean I feel my clothes fitting me and I see it in the pictures but I dont really feel any different. I think its because I am so used to barely looking at myself and avoiding mirrors, that I never really saw myself before. I have no real frame of reference to compare to other than the pictures.
I am spending a little more time looking at myself in the mirrors, not in a vain way!! lol but just really looking at what I look like. Maybe I will discover some other body parts! :-)
Thanks for reading and take care!!
I was at work yesterday and showing my friend my blog. When showing her my pictures, I realized that I needed a close up of myself in January to really note the difference in my appearance after the weight loss. First I logged onto FB and showed her the close up from January. Then, I pulled up a picture on my Itouch that I took on 3/30/12 and finally I took a picture of myself at that moment. When she saw the pic from January and then March, she commented that there was a huge difference! However, when she saw the picture I took and the other ones, she was SHOCKED!! She couldnt believe the difference!! Then she said something that cracked me up at first and then made me realize somethings. She said, "Look, you have a neck now!!" I looked at the difference pictures and realize that my face was so big before that you couldnt clearly see my neck in the pictures from before. However, in the picture from yesterday, my neck was clearly visible!! Hence, I found my neck!
I realized at that moment that I never really looked at my pictures before. I always zeroed in on my face because thats where I saw the issue but in reality, I didnt look at the rest of me. This is also how I looked in mirrors! I never looked in a full length mirror because I really didnt like what I see. When I looked at the smaller mirrors, I only focused on my face and hair and blocked everything else out. Maybe thats why when people ask me if I see the difference, I honestly cant. I mean I feel my clothes fitting me and I see it in the pictures but I dont really feel any different. I think its because I am so used to barely looking at myself and avoiding mirrors, that I never really saw myself before. I have no real frame of reference to compare to other than the pictures.
I am spending a little more time looking at myself in the mirrors, not in a vain way!! lol but just really looking at what I look like. Maybe I will discover some other body parts! :-)
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Why is this time different??
As I continue on my journey, a question that is constantly coming up is why is this weight loss journey different from all of my previous ones??? Why am I doing so well with Weight Watchers?? Variations of the same question are being thrown at me. I can honestly say that there is no easy answer to this question.
I know I mentioned in a previous post why I decided to rejoin WW and I think I may have even mentioned how I was dragging my feet. The truth is I was tired of having to "diet." Why cant I just eat what I want?? Maybe I am meant to be a heavier person. Who cares if I am heavy? Well, the truth was that I cared. Deep down I knew that it was important for me to make changes. I kept making excuses because I was scared of failing again. Over the last 14 years, I have joined and quit WW over 5 times. I really didnt think that I could succeed long term, so I didnt even want to try. However, when I weighed in and saw how far I had let myself go, I knew I didnt have an option. Hence, the journey started again.
My weight on February 22, 2012, is one of the main reasons that I recommitted to the plan. For years, I hovered around the same weight. I would lose weight, gain weight, lose and gain again but it always remained about the same. When I saw that I was 24.8 lbs MORE than that previous weight, it floored me. If I had weighed in at the same weight I always hovered around, I am not so sure I would have taken it seriously because it would have been doing the same thing I had always done. But at that weight, things had to change!
Another reason why this time is different for me is my therapist. I have been seeing the same therapist since I returned from Structure House 3 years ago and she had documented my struggle with weight and weight loss. When I told her how much I weighed and confessed how scared I was that I would not be able to succeed, she told me something that I still carry with me. She said, "relapse is a part of recovery." She explained how even addicts relapse a few times before staying on the path recovery. She also mentioned that I needed to be nicer to myself and cut myself a break. She echoed what my therapist at SH had said to me, "if someone walked behind you whispering the things you tell yourself, you would probably tell them to knock it off." Of course, they are both right. I am my own worst enemy, as I am sure many of us are.
The last main reason that this time is different is because of Susan. She is the lead of my WW meetings. As I said in my previous post, the one thing she said was, "you dont have to be perfect." She gave me the ok to fail. As weird as that seems, it is important to recognize that from the get go. This in connection with trying to be nice to myself is key to my success. I have taken all judgement out of the food process. If I want to have a cheeseburger, thats fine. I can do so. I just need to pre plan and make sure I am making better choices throughout the day to account for that. If for whatever reason, I have an off day and want to eat beyond the allotted daily points, I could always go into the weekly flex points in the WW program. See with WW, there is no reason that I have to eat "bad." Its all about my choices.
In the beginning, I took it meal by meal. I made better food choices at each meal. As the weight began to come off, I realized I was slightly gaining control over my eating. I began to take it day by day. Incorporating WW into my life became easier and I could see myself doing it long term. I have now been on it almost 4 months, the longest span for me. I have also lost the most I have ever lost with any plan. I no longer berate or belittle myself by reminding myself that I was also the heaviest Id been. I focus on the positive. To avoid becoming overwhelmed, I set small goals. As I accomplish them, it motivates me to continue. I am .4 lbs away from accomplishing one goal and 1.6 away from accomplishing another and I feel great!! :-)
Thanks for reading and take care!! =)
I know I mentioned in a previous post why I decided to rejoin WW and I think I may have even mentioned how I was dragging my feet. The truth is I was tired of having to "diet." Why cant I just eat what I want?? Maybe I am meant to be a heavier person. Who cares if I am heavy? Well, the truth was that I cared. Deep down I knew that it was important for me to make changes. I kept making excuses because I was scared of failing again. Over the last 14 years, I have joined and quit WW over 5 times. I really didnt think that I could succeed long term, so I didnt even want to try. However, when I weighed in and saw how far I had let myself go, I knew I didnt have an option. Hence, the journey started again.
My weight on February 22, 2012, is one of the main reasons that I recommitted to the plan. For years, I hovered around the same weight. I would lose weight, gain weight, lose and gain again but it always remained about the same. When I saw that I was 24.8 lbs MORE than that previous weight, it floored me. If I had weighed in at the same weight I always hovered around, I am not so sure I would have taken it seriously because it would have been doing the same thing I had always done. But at that weight, things had to change!
Another reason why this time is different for me is my therapist. I have been seeing the same therapist since I returned from Structure House 3 years ago and she had documented my struggle with weight and weight loss. When I told her how much I weighed and confessed how scared I was that I would not be able to succeed, she told me something that I still carry with me. She said, "relapse is a part of recovery." She explained how even addicts relapse a few times before staying on the path recovery. She also mentioned that I needed to be nicer to myself and cut myself a break. She echoed what my therapist at SH had said to me, "if someone walked behind you whispering the things you tell yourself, you would probably tell them to knock it off." Of course, they are both right. I am my own worst enemy, as I am sure many of us are.
The last main reason that this time is different is because of Susan. She is the lead of my WW meetings. As I said in my previous post, the one thing she said was, "you dont have to be perfect." She gave me the ok to fail. As weird as that seems, it is important to recognize that from the get go. This in connection with trying to be nice to myself is key to my success. I have taken all judgement out of the food process. If I want to have a cheeseburger, thats fine. I can do so. I just need to pre plan and make sure I am making better choices throughout the day to account for that. If for whatever reason, I have an off day and want to eat beyond the allotted daily points, I could always go into the weekly flex points in the WW program. See with WW, there is no reason that I have to eat "bad." Its all about my choices.
In the beginning, I took it meal by meal. I made better food choices at each meal. As the weight began to come off, I realized I was slightly gaining control over my eating. I began to take it day by day. Incorporating WW into my life became easier and I could see myself doing it long term. I have now been on it almost 4 months, the longest span for me. I have also lost the most I have ever lost with any plan. I no longer berate or belittle myself by reminding myself that I was also the heaviest Id been. I focus on the positive. To avoid becoming overwhelmed, I set small goals. As I accomplish them, it motivates me to continue. I am .4 lbs away from accomplishing one goal and 1.6 away from accomplishing another and I feel great!! :-)
Thanks for reading and take care!! =)
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Nurture
As I posted in my last blog, I was sick this whole weekend!! My honey, Elio, usually takes care of me. However, he had to work this weekend, so my plan was to come home and just sleep the weekend away. I remember on my drive home from work, I was thinking that it would be nice to have some soup but I didnt have any energy to stop at the store.
Well, when I got home, Elio's mom asked me how I was feeling and said she was going to make me some soup but I had picked up a sandwich. She instead made me a delicious tea to help with the cold. After I woke up from a nap, she made me some soup. She made sure to bring it to my bed room and make sure that I had everything I need. She did the same thing the following day. Made me a pot of tea and a pot of soup. The soup was delicious and I was grateful.
The kind gesture had me thinking about the fact that my mom is not around. She has not been around for over 20 years. Most of the time I am ok with this. I did ok with the hand I was dealt. I was blessed to have my sister in my life, every step of the away!!! She, along with my aunt, Rosa and my grandmother, made sure I rarely felt the absence of my mom. However, times like when I am sick, I am reminded of that missing part of my life.
It makes one feel love to be fussed over and taken care of. To know that Lidia was making me soup and tea, made me feel nurtured. I was also blessed to have my sister and Elio text me throughout the day to check on my status. I never felt alone and that was wonderful.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!
Well, when I got home, Elio's mom asked me how I was feeling and said she was going to make me some soup but I had picked up a sandwich. She instead made me a delicious tea to help with the cold. After I woke up from a nap, she made me some soup. She made sure to bring it to my bed room and make sure that I had everything I need. She did the same thing the following day. Made me a pot of tea and a pot of soup. The soup was delicious and I was grateful.
The kind gesture had me thinking about the fact that my mom is not around. She has not been around for over 20 years. Most of the time I am ok with this. I did ok with the hand I was dealt. I was blessed to have my sister in my life, every step of the away!!! She, along with my aunt, Rosa and my grandmother, made sure I rarely felt the absence of my mom. However, times like when I am sick, I am reminded of that missing part of my life.
It makes one feel love to be fussed over and taken care of. To know that Lidia was making me soup and tea, made me feel nurtured. I was also blessed to have my sister and Elio text me throughout the day to check on my status. I never felt alone and that was wonderful.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Summer colds suck!!
So, at the start of the week, I was super excited about the weekend. It was going to be GORGEOUS out and I had a birthday party for my good friend's daughter and then going out afterward to hang out with other good friends. As the weekend drew near, I found myself a little more tired and out of it. I thought it was just boredom at work... well on Thursday, it hit me. I MIGHT BE GETTING SICK! It was either I was catching a cold or the allergies were affecting me. I PRAYED that it was allergies because then I could get on the right medicines but after Thursday night, I knew it was a cold. I went to sleep at 9 PM and woke up at 10:30, 10:45, 12:00, 2:15 and could not get back to sleep until 4 AM, woke up again at 5:15, before finally waking up for work at 6! Once at work, I went to the medical department and the nurse looked in my ear and said there was fluid, looked at my tongue and said it was definitely a cold and then looked in my nose and said my nasal passage was inflammed. This stinks!! I stayed at work until 12 and then went home to get some rest.
When I came home, I laid down and slept for 2 and 1/2 hours. Elio's mom then made me a delicious cup of tea and I found myself asking what was in it because I worried about the points. She then made me Lipton soup and I looked at the package to make sure I stayed within my points. It then hit me...is this a good or bad thing that even when I am feeling my worse, I am still worried about points and making sure I dont go over. First thing this morning, I looked up the soup value and entered it online. I tracked yesterday's points to make sure everything was up to date. You see, I am scared that if I dont track now, I will get into the habit of not tracking and will come off the successful path that I started back in February.
That must be a huge fear for anyone who has lost weight. The fear of gaining it back!! Studies show that when you gain the weight, you usually gain more than what you lost! I am certainly proof of that! But should I cut myself a break because I am sick? I dont think so. I think as long as I can continue to track and stay on track, the better it is. After all, when I dont track, I only hurt myself! I am going to go lay back down now and try to get some sleep... I might be back later.
Thanks for reading and take care! :-)
When I came home, I laid down and slept for 2 and 1/2 hours. Elio's mom then made me a delicious cup of tea and I found myself asking what was in it because I worried about the points. She then made me Lipton soup and I looked at the package to make sure I stayed within my points. It then hit me...is this a good or bad thing that even when I am feeling my worse, I am still worried about points and making sure I dont go over. First thing this morning, I looked up the soup value and entered it online. I tracked yesterday's points to make sure everything was up to date. You see, I am scared that if I dont track now, I will get into the habit of not tracking and will come off the successful path that I started back in February.
That must be a huge fear for anyone who has lost weight. The fear of gaining it back!! Studies show that when you gain the weight, you usually gain more than what you lost! I am certainly proof of that! But should I cut myself a break because I am sick? I dont think so. I think as long as I can continue to track and stay on track, the better it is. After all, when I dont track, I only hurt myself! I am going to go lay back down now and try to get some sleep... I might be back later.
Thanks for reading and take care! :-)
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
I'm back!!
So, I have been thinking a lot about my life and about all of the progress I have made in the last few years. I decided that it would be nice to start writing in this blog again. It gives me a forum to express what I am going through. As I prepared to start writing again, I decided to read my previous posts and I have to say, I was overwhelmed by my emotions. The amount of love I received from so many people was amazing. I felt it then but especially feel it now. It reaffirmed for me why restarting the blog was a great idea!!
For those who dont know, I started blogging three years ago when I went to a weight loss center in North Carolina. I felt it was a great way to connect with my loved ones back at home and to keep everyone abreast of my progress. When I was in the center, it was easy to blog. I was in a positive place and excited about my future. When I got home after 4 weeks, the real world hit me like a ton of bricks and I slowly gave up on the blogging, as I was slowly giving up on myself. My aunt continously asked me to restart writing and I obliged her by writing an entry in November but that was a very sad post. I was feeling like a huge disappointment- I disappointed myself, my job, my friends and my family...or so I thought...I didnt give the blog another thought over the last few years until now.
Last year was an interesting year for me. I moved in with my honey's parents and began OVERINDULGING in all my favorite foods. I was in a job I hated and in a new environment. I didnt realize it but I was on a downward spiral. Slowly, I started putting on weight but denied it to myself. I thought, oh its just a few pounds and I could lose it easily. This frame of mind continued until January, when we went out to celebrate Elio's birthday. NOTHING fit!!! I was soooo frustrated and soooo angry with myself!! I had to buy an outfit that was 1 size bigger than my largest size. I knew I had to do something but was very reluctant. Then I saw some pictures from that night on FB and I wanted to cry. My face was HUGE!!
Over the next few weeks, I decided to join Weight Watchers because it was a plan that had always worked for me. The day I had to weigh in, I did so with a heavy heart. I really didnt want to face reality. When my lead, Susan, wrote down my weight, my heart DROPPED. I had put on over 30 lbs and was 23 lbs heavier than my previous high!! How did I let this happen?? My lead told me something that really started me on my new weight loss journey. She said, "You dont have to be perfect. Just start by tracking everything you eat, even if you dont follow the program." Well, that first line stuck with me. I dont have to be perfect, I just have to do my best and take an active interest in my health and well being.
That was 15 weeks ago and I am soo proud to say I have lost 45 lbs!! This is the first time I can say that I am proud of myself. I am working hard and making sure to stay on track. In the first month or so, I took it meal by meal because if not, I would get overwhelmed. I now take it day by day! For the first time, I have been on track for over 3 months and have not "slipped" at all. I know there may come a time where I slip and I will not beat myself up over it. I am human and dont have to be perfect.
This was a long post but I plan to write more often!! I hope you enjoyed reading. If you feel like sharing any thoughts, encouragement or positive energy, please leave a comment.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!! :-)
For those who dont know, I started blogging three years ago when I went to a weight loss center in North Carolina. I felt it was a great way to connect with my loved ones back at home and to keep everyone abreast of my progress. When I was in the center, it was easy to blog. I was in a positive place and excited about my future. When I got home after 4 weeks, the real world hit me like a ton of bricks and I slowly gave up on the blogging, as I was slowly giving up on myself. My aunt continously asked me to restart writing and I obliged her by writing an entry in November but that was a very sad post. I was feeling like a huge disappointment- I disappointed myself, my job, my friends and my family...or so I thought...I didnt give the blog another thought over the last few years until now.
Last year was an interesting year for me. I moved in with my honey's parents and began OVERINDULGING in all my favorite foods. I was in a job I hated and in a new environment. I didnt realize it but I was on a downward spiral. Slowly, I started putting on weight but denied it to myself. I thought, oh its just a few pounds and I could lose it easily. This frame of mind continued until January, when we went out to celebrate Elio's birthday. NOTHING fit!!! I was soooo frustrated and soooo angry with myself!! I had to buy an outfit that was 1 size bigger than my largest size. I knew I had to do something but was very reluctant. Then I saw some pictures from that night on FB and I wanted to cry. My face was HUGE!!
Over the next few weeks, I decided to join Weight Watchers because it was a plan that had always worked for me. The day I had to weigh in, I did so with a heavy heart. I really didnt want to face reality. When my lead, Susan, wrote down my weight, my heart DROPPED. I had put on over 30 lbs and was 23 lbs heavier than my previous high!! How did I let this happen?? My lead told me something that really started me on my new weight loss journey. She said, "You dont have to be perfect. Just start by tracking everything you eat, even if you dont follow the program." Well, that first line stuck with me. I dont have to be perfect, I just have to do my best and take an active interest in my health and well being.
That was 15 weeks ago and I am soo proud to say I have lost 45 lbs!! This is the first time I can say that I am proud of myself. I am working hard and making sure to stay on track. In the first month or so, I took it meal by meal because if not, I would get overwhelmed. I now take it day by day! For the first time, I have been on track for over 3 months and have not "slipped" at all. I know there may come a time where I slip and I will not beat myself up over it. I am human and dont have to be perfect.
This was a long post but I plan to write more often!! I hope you enjoyed reading. If you feel like sharing any thoughts, encouragement or positive energy, please leave a comment.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!! :-)
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