So, while most people were preparing for Hurricane Sandy, I was finally making the seasonal switch of clothes. Yes, I know it is almost November but I hadn't found the time to make the change. Also, it hasn't really been all that cold! That's my story and I am sticking to it! :-)
I remember when I was putting the winter clothes away at the end of the spring. I had been on Weight Watchers for about 2 -3 months and had made progress on the weight loss but was not at the point where I had gone down in clothing size. I remember hoping the clothes would still fit me when it was time to make the switch again. I had been off and on of weight loss plans for so many years, that I wasn't sure that I would stay on this path.
Well, it feels amazing to say that some of the clothes DON'T fit me. Since I have started Weight Watchers, I have dropped 4 sizes!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!! Thanks to the changes I have made in the last 8 months, I am now the size I was my senior year in High School. I could probably fit my prom dress from that year. It seems unreal to me but then again not. It has not always been easy for me to stay on track but I am still on. I am still tracking my food and trying to increase my activity. For the first time in a long time, I am hopeful that I will fit into this dress I bought about 3 years ago!! If I do, I will definitely post pictures.
I am not about 10 lbs away from reaching my next milestone. I am in the phase of my weight loss that I am not trying to reach that goal overnight. I know it will take time and I also know that I will reach it!!
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Another Milestone
Hello again!! I was compelled to blog again because I have reached another milestone. This year is definitely turning out to be a big one for me!! It is similar to 2007, which was a very big year for me. In 2007, I finally got my driver's license, bought a car and met the love of my life. Now, 5 years later, I have lost more weight then I have ever lost in life, finished paying the car off, GOT ENGAGED!!!! and today was my last visit with my therapist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I started therapy after I returned from my stay at Structure House. The therapist I had worked while at SH had warned me that I would never succeed with the weight loss until I addressed my past traumas and current issues. Upon my return home, I found a therapist and began the weekly visits. Originally, I thought I would be in therapy a short time! After all, most of the really traumatic things had happened so long ago. I was hoping that I could meet the therapist, explain my past and would get a few helpful tips to move on with my life. Boy was I mistaken!!
It took me a few months to realize that in order to get anything out of therapy, I had to put in the work!! There was nothing the therapist was going to tell me or do for me until I started taking it seriously. The problem with this is that I then had to start being honest with her and really start to analyze my feelings and emotions. She never told me I was wrong or made me feel silly for coming to her. In time, I learned to trust her and we began discussing the events that had led me to see her in the first place.
After 3 years, I can say that I have learned a lot. I have learned how to cope with some of my feelings and work through those that are not comfortable. I still have trauma to get over and issues to work out but I now have the personal tools to do so! It feels good to be done with therapy, not only because its an hour back of my time but because its something that I saw through and accomplished. For that, I am proud of me. :-)
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
I started therapy after I returned from my stay at Structure House. The therapist I had worked while at SH had warned me that I would never succeed with the weight loss until I addressed my past traumas and current issues. Upon my return home, I found a therapist and began the weekly visits. Originally, I thought I would be in therapy a short time! After all, most of the really traumatic things had happened so long ago. I was hoping that I could meet the therapist, explain my past and would get a few helpful tips to move on with my life. Boy was I mistaken!!
It took me a few months to realize that in order to get anything out of therapy, I had to put in the work!! There was nothing the therapist was going to tell me or do for me until I started taking it seriously. The problem with this is that I then had to start being honest with her and really start to analyze my feelings and emotions. She never told me I was wrong or made me feel silly for coming to her. In time, I learned to trust her and we began discussing the events that had led me to see her in the first place.
After 3 years, I can say that I have learned a lot. I have learned how to cope with some of my feelings and work through those that are not comfortable. I still have trauma to get over and issues to work out but I now have the personal tools to do so! It feels good to be done with therapy, not only because its an hour back of my time but because its something that I saw through and accomplished. For that, I am proud of me. :-)
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Therapy
So, I was having a conversation today with a friend about therapy. She is going through a tough time and I was trying to get her to see the value of going to therapy. It's funny because while she doesn't think she is up for going to therapy right now, she does recognize its usefulness. I know so many people like this. They will agree that therapy is worthwhile yet they don't see how it can help them personally.
I have my own philosophy as to why so many people don't see therapy as viable option. The main reason is that there is a stigma attached to it. For some reason, even nowadays, people assume that there's something wrong with you if you go to a therapist. Well, I guess that assumption is correct. There is something wrong with you but there is something wrong with ALL of us. Some of us have had very traumatic events that we need help processing. Sometimes its the daily grind and daily struggles that we may need help with. No one is perfect and we could all use someone we could talk to. I know what its like to need this because I have been in therapy for the last 3 years. I have had both extremely traumatic events and sometimes I have struggles dealing with life in general.
I am blessed to have many wonderful people in my life who are more like family than friends and I know I can always go to them if I need an ear. But even with that amazing support, I still needed a secure space where I could vent to someone who was objective. Someone who had no emotional tie or connection to my life. I could be completely honest with her because it wouldn't hurt her feelings and I knew I wouldn't be judged. Its funny because sometimes I would tell her something and we would laugh about how stupid it sounded but I had the forum to say it out loud, no matter how stupid it was. I felt comfortable enough to be able to tell her how I felt and know that I would only get honest and open feedback.
This is another reason I think some people avoid therapy. In order to address your issues, you need to be honest with yourself in order to get to the root of the real problem. Most people are scared to do this. I find that for the most part, most people know what they need to change in their life or they have an idea. They may not like the steps they will need to make the change. So its easier to say, I don't know why this is happening. If you don't know, you cant fix it. My therapist helped me to see that most things in life don't "just happen" or "just is." There are reasons for it. I had to be able to keep questioning why until I get to the heart of what a particular issue was. I am now on the tail end of my therapy sessions but that's not to say I have no more issues or I have worked through or my demons. I am just at a place where I have the necessary tools to help me get through it.
I know its not easy, fun or comfortable to verbalize when you have an issue but that's exactly what needs to happen in order to get past it. There's no way around the pain, we have to go through it. In going through it, we can get over it. Therapy is one way that can help with this.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
When the scale goes up instead of down!
Every Wednesday, I weigh in at my Weight Watchers at work meeting. That is not my first weigh in of the day though. Before I go to that meeting, before I even leave my house, I weigh myself on my scale at home. It kind of prepares me for what I am going to face when I get to work. The last time I weighed myself was two weeks ago. It had shown a gain of 1 lb. I had not been as diligent as I could be, so I accepted this. Over the last two weeks, I have been off and on my points. I went off when I went to the Big E and then restarted again. I also went off my points last weekend when I went to wedding but then, once again I restarted on Monday. I assumed because I had been on more than off my points, I would see a loss this week when I stepped on the scale but instead I had gained another lb, which means that I am up a total of 2 lbs!! I was soo annoyed when I saw that. I definitely don't want to go back to gaining weight or even maintaining, I want to LOSE the weight.
I was commiserating with a good friend of mine and told her I was not speaking to the scale this week because I had gained. We joked about how hard it was to lose weight and how frustrating the process could be. She suggested that I write about how easy it is to gain weight but how hard it is to lose it. So I thought about it and decided...ok...I will!
Anyone who has struggled with weight can agree that taking off the excess pounds can often feel like a mystery or just a down and dirty battle. We have to control impulses and desires and eat sensibly and move a little more. We have to give up what we want for what we need. We need to eat to live. Our body needs the fuel that we supply it by eating. However, what we need to eat versus what we want to eat are sometimes polar opposites!! This is one reason I feel that its easier to gain then to lose weight. To gain weight, you get to eat what you want! You want a cheeseburger from Five Guys, why not! How about some ice cream from Coldstone Creamery, sure!! Now you want a cupcake from Crumbs, go for it!! When we tell ourselves YES to everything we want to eat and not look at the consequence of eating it ALL the time, the weight comes on. Oftentimes, we say the weight creeps on but I call BS on that!
Weight does not creep on. We are in DENIAL about seeing the changes in our weight or the changes in how our clothes fit. I know I rationalized about my clothes not fitting for months before I realized that I had simply gone up 1 size in clothing!! When I look back at how I ate, there's no big mystery as to why I had gone up, I was eating what I want and when I wanted it!! Now that I am on Weight Watchers, I still slip into those old habits. I could say that I am shocked to see the weight go up but the truth is, I know in my heart of hearts that I have not been as diligent with everything as I should be. After losing 60 lbs, I may have gotten a little ahead of myself. Truth is I have a LONG way to go!! The only way I am going to get there is by holding myself accountable for what I eat and how much activity I am getting. It may be a lot more fun to eat what I want but its a lot more rewarding to eat what I need and see the results of my hard work!!
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
I was commiserating with a good friend of mine and told her I was not speaking to the scale this week because I had gained. We joked about how hard it was to lose weight and how frustrating the process could be. She suggested that I write about how easy it is to gain weight but how hard it is to lose it. So I thought about it and decided...ok...I will!
Anyone who has struggled with weight can agree that taking off the excess pounds can often feel like a mystery or just a down and dirty battle. We have to control impulses and desires and eat sensibly and move a little more. We have to give up what we want for what we need. We need to eat to live. Our body needs the fuel that we supply it by eating. However, what we need to eat versus what we want to eat are sometimes polar opposites!! This is one reason I feel that its easier to gain then to lose weight. To gain weight, you get to eat what you want! You want a cheeseburger from Five Guys, why not! How about some ice cream from Coldstone Creamery, sure!! Now you want a cupcake from Crumbs, go for it!! When we tell ourselves YES to everything we want to eat and not look at the consequence of eating it ALL the time, the weight comes on. Oftentimes, we say the weight creeps on but I call BS on that!
Weight does not creep on. We are in DENIAL about seeing the changes in our weight or the changes in how our clothes fit. I know I rationalized about my clothes not fitting for months before I realized that I had simply gone up 1 size in clothing!! When I look back at how I ate, there's no big mystery as to why I had gone up, I was eating what I want and when I wanted it!! Now that I am on Weight Watchers, I still slip into those old habits. I could say that I am shocked to see the weight go up but the truth is, I know in my heart of hearts that I have not been as diligent with everything as I should be. After losing 60 lbs, I may have gotten a little ahead of myself. Truth is I have a LONG way to go!! The only way I am going to get there is by holding myself accountable for what I eat and how much activity I am getting. It may be a lot more fun to eat what I want but its a lot more rewarding to eat what I need and see the results of my hard work!!
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Forgiveness
Its interesting because just today I was thinking that I wanted to get back into blogging. Well, actually, I had been thinking about it for a little while. I even emailed myself a list of ideas because I always think of some topics I find interesting while I'm at work and then I come home and forget them! Anyways, I was going to write about some good news I had but I might leave that for tomorrow. As I was driving home from work today, I had a very long and intense conversation with someone I love very much. We were talking about forgiveness and anger. This person is of the belief that she needs someone to acknowledge their wrong doing in order for her to forgive that person and let go of the anger. I disagree.
Often times we are angered or hurt by the ones we love the most. I believe the reason for this is that we love these people so much, we allow them to get close to our hearts and feelings and give them access to hurt us. Its not easy to forgive someone after being repeatedly hurt but its important to do so. You see, when we deny someone forgiveness, I believe we do more harm to ourselves. I believe in order to forgive, we need to recognize, acknowledge and accept what we are feeling.
If most people were asked their primary feeling after someone has wronged them, anger would most likely be #1. Why anger? Because anger is an acceptable feeling and can often mask the true feeling, which is pain. I find when I am the most angry, I am hurting and just don't want to say I am hurting. Maybe I don't feel like being vulnerable or maybe I don't want anyone else to know that I cared as much about the issue. Whatever the reason, I will often say I am mad or angry before I will cop to feeling hurt. I have to ask myself what do I gain from carrying around the anger? I gain nothing. Instead, I suffer from the bad mood or the sour emotions.
Now, I have to acknowledge why I am hurt. This is probably the hardest part for most people. You see, acknowledging hurt also means that you have to figure out why you're hurt. And this may take some digging and some painful truths.
Finally, once you have acknowledge the pain, you can accept it. The bottom line is that we will all feel pain at some point in our life, some more than others. Sometimes the pain is profound because the hurt or betrayal is intense but its still pain. Accept that you hurt, accept that you may cry. Allow yourself to feel the emotions.
Once you have done this, I believe you get to the part where you can forgive the other person. You may not be afforded the chance of having them acknowledge their wrongdoing. The key thing is that you're not holding on to the negative feelings. You're not reliving those painful situations over and over again because you have allowed yourself to feel them.
As I re-read this post, I realize that I sound like a self help guide but its how I really feel. When you forgive someone, you allow yourself to move on from the bad feelings!
As always, thanks for reading and take care.
Often times we are angered or hurt by the ones we love the most. I believe the reason for this is that we love these people so much, we allow them to get close to our hearts and feelings and give them access to hurt us. Its not easy to forgive someone after being repeatedly hurt but its important to do so. You see, when we deny someone forgiveness, I believe we do more harm to ourselves. I believe in order to forgive, we need to recognize, acknowledge and accept what we are feeling.
If most people were asked their primary feeling after someone has wronged them, anger would most likely be #1. Why anger? Because anger is an acceptable feeling and can often mask the true feeling, which is pain. I find when I am the most angry, I am hurting and just don't want to say I am hurting. Maybe I don't feel like being vulnerable or maybe I don't want anyone else to know that I cared as much about the issue. Whatever the reason, I will often say I am mad or angry before I will cop to feeling hurt. I have to ask myself what do I gain from carrying around the anger? I gain nothing. Instead, I suffer from the bad mood or the sour emotions.
Now, I have to acknowledge why I am hurt. This is probably the hardest part for most people. You see, acknowledging hurt also means that you have to figure out why you're hurt. And this may take some digging and some painful truths.
Finally, once you have acknowledge the pain, you can accept it. The bottom line is that we will all feel pain at some point in our life, some more than others. Sometimes the pain is profound because the hurt or betrayal is intense but its still pain. Accept that you hurt, accept that you may cry. Allow yourself to feel the emotions.
Once you have done this, I believe you get to the part where you can forgive the other person. You may not be afforded the chance of having them acknowledge their wrongdoing. The key thing is that you're not holding on to the negative feelings. You're not reliving those painful situations over and over again because you have allowed yourself to feel them.
As I re-read this post, I realize that I sound like a self help guide but its how I really feel. When you forgive someone, you allow yourself to move on from the bad feelings!
As always, thanks for reading and take care.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Joy of staying on track!
As I mentioned in a previous post, when I got off track this summer, it was almost impossible to get back on track. I almost felt bitter about Weight Watchers because I felt like if I were being limited or prevented from enjoying myself. Of course I know thats not the case. I was slowly losing the control I had gained over the last few months. Once again, I begrudgingly, restarted my tracking and staying within my points.
The funniest thing happened after the first day. I actually enjoyed getting back on track. It felt good to get back to normal. This was my new normal. Being careful about what I ate and tracking everything. I was comforted by eating the same things I had eaten before and seeing some results again. See, when I looked in the mirror for those weeks, I saw my face getting chunkier and this made me get serious and thankfully, it felt good to do so!
I weighed in today and I down a total of 61.6 lbs since I started Weight Watchers and that felt good!! I feel like I am going to accomplish my goals. I have my small goals and my bigger ones and I actually feel that I can make it!!
I will write more soon... If anyone has any questions or anything to say, please feel free to comment or email me!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
The funniest thing happened after the first day. I actually enjoyed getting back on track. It felt good to get back to normal. This was my new normal. Being careful about what I ate and tracking everything. I was comforted by eating the same things I had eaten before and seeing some results again. See, when I looked in the mirror for those weeks, I saw my face getting chunkier and this made me get serious and thankfully, it felt good to do so!
I weighed in today and I down a total of 61.6 lbs since I started Weight Watchers and that felt good!! I feel like I am going to accomplish my goals. I have my small goals and my bigger ones and I actually feel that I can make it!!
I will write more soon... If anyone has any questions or anything to say, please feel free to comment or email me!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Summer is over!!
I can't believe this summer is over!! It has really flown by! I could say, this was a REALLY good summer!! I was kept busy mostly EVERY weekend but it was all filled with wonderful events and wonderful people!
One thing I learned this summer is about limits. I went away twice this summer and before both trips I was a little nervous about how I would eat. The first time I went away was in July. I went to Virginia Beach with a couple of my girl friends for a long weekend and we had a wonderful time!! It was the first time since I had started Weight Watchers that I had not tracked. It felt a little weird because it has been ingrained in me for so long. I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted for dinner and even indulged in desserts. I was proud when I came back because I actually still lost .2lbs. YES! This plan is definitely working for me.
When I got back from VA, I got back on track immediately and actually lost 10 more lbs before my trip to Florida. I planned repeat what I did in VA. I had been successful and still enjoyed myself. Well, lets just say I kinda went off that plan. While I was very carefree with my eating, I did make it a point to remain active!! I allowed myself to eat WHATEVER I wanted for over a week and half. It was SOO hard to come back and start tracking again and get on track. I didnt want to weigh myself at the next meeting but did and realized I gained 7 lbs!! I was a little sad but it was expected. I learned that while its ok to indulge every so often, I dont want to undo all of my hard work!! The longer I stay off plan is the harder it is to get back on!!
For the first time ever, I am getting back and track and keeping my goals in mind. I am not going to allow myself to overindulge. I have lost 55 lbs since February and am intent on losing more!! After all..I have a wedding dress to buy!! :-)
I will be writing more often, as my week days and weekends are a little less chaotic.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
One thing I learned this summer is about limits. I went away twice this summer and before both trips I was a little nervous about how I would eat. The first time I went away was in July. I went to Virginia Beach with a couple of my girl friends for a long weekend and we had a wonderful time!! It was the first time since I had started Weight Watchers that I had not tracked. It felt a little weird because it has been ingrained in me for so long. I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted for dinner and even indulged in desserts. I was proud when I came back because I actually still lost .2lbs. YES! This plan is definitely working for me.
When I got back from VA, I got back on track immediately and actually lost 10 more lbs before my trip to Florida. I planned repeat what I did in VA. I had been successful and still enjoyed myself. Well, lets just say I kinda went off that plan. While I was very carefree with my eating, I did make it a point to remain active!! I allowed myself to eat WHATEVER I wanted for over a week and half. It was SOO hard to come back and start tracking again and get on track. I didnt want to weigh myself at the next meeting but did and realized I gained 7 lbs!! I was a little sad but it was expected. I learned that while its ok to indulge every so often, I dont want to undo all of my hard work!! The longer I stay off plan is the harder it is to get back on!!
For the first time ever, I am getting back and track and keeping my goals in mind. I am not going to allow myself to overindulge. I have lost 55 lbs since February and am intent on losing more!! After all..I have a wedding dress to buy!! :-)
I will be writing more often, as my week days and weekends are a little less chaotic.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Momentary break...
Hello all!! I know I have been gone a while but so much has been going on... first of all, I got engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My love, of almost 5 years, popped the question and he did it with my sister, brother in law and nephew there. That just meant the world to me because along with him, they are the most important people in my life. Here is a picture of him on one knee and then of us with the baby!
As you can see, I am GLOWING!! This was such a wonderful day. Afterward, when we posted the happy news on Facebook, all the loving words and good wishes were the cherry on top!!
I was going to write more but looking at the pictures fills me with joy and brings me back to that day!! I am going to enjoy it again and will come back later... :-)
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Never judge a book...
As NY is in the middle of a mini heat wave, I spent my day doing one of my favorite activities, hanging out at the pool!! Ever since I could remember, I have loved the pool. There is just no better way to spend a HOT day!
One of the things I do at the pool is people watch. I find it fascinating to see what people choose to wear to enjoy the water. Far too often, I see people, mainly women, wearing bathing suits that are far from flattering. Either the bathing suit shows too much skin, fits poorly or is just the wrong style for the body type. I am SOOOOO guilty of judging these women and thinking that they really need to invest in a mirror. I am often stuck between two opposing thoughts: hooray for that woman having enough confidence to wear what she wants and why would any woman want to look so bad in public. However, today it dawned on me that since I dont live with any of them, I dont know where they are in their life to make them want to come out in something I deem inappropriate.
As my sister, Brenda, once pointed out to someone else, you cannot tell by simply looking at someone for the first time, if that person who you see as struggling with weight, has actually come a long way in their weight loss; for you cant see where she started. When I first heard Brenda's comment, I agreed wholeheartedly with the sentiment but never took it to heart until today. As I watched woman after woman parade in these bathing suits, it clicked for me. Maybe the reason for wearing a revealing bathing suit is to celebrate a big weight loss. Maybe that same woman was once heavier and feels a little more confidence. Or maybe that woman has gone through self esteem issues and has finally decided that she is beautiful the way she is! These are things we cannot see just by looking at the person.
Just because I made this discovery is not to say I will stop judging. I know its AWFUL but some of these suits are just YUCK!! What I will try to do is not judge as much and just enjoy my time in the water!! =) Stay cool!!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
One of the things I do at the pool is people watch. I find it fascinating to see what people choose to wear to enjoy the water. Far too often, I see people, mainly women, wearing bathing suits that are far from flattering. Either the bathing suit shows too much skin, fits poorly or is just the wrong style for the body type. I am SOOOOO guilty of judging these women and thinking that they really need to invest in a mirror. I am often stuck between two opposing thoughts: hooray for that woman having enough confidence to wear what she wants and why would any woman want to look so bad in public. However, today it dawned on me that since I dont live with any of them, I dont know where they are in their life to make them want to come out in something I deem inappropriate.
As my sister, Brenda, once pointed out to someone else, you cannot tell by simply looking at someone for the first time, if that person who you see as struggling with weight, has actually come a long way in their weight loss; for you cant see where she started. When I first heard Brenda's comment, I agreed wholeheartedly with the sentiment but never took it to heart until today. As I watched woman after woman parade in these bathing suits, it clicked for me. Maybe the reason for wearing a revealing bathing suit is to celebrate a big weight loss. Maybe that same woman was once heavier and feels a little more confidence. Or maybe that woman has gone through self esteem issues and has finally decided that she is beautiful the way she is! These are things we cannot see just by looking at the person.
Just because I made this discovery is not to say I will stop judging. I know its AWFUL but some of these suits are just YUCK!! What I will try to do is not judge as much and just enjoy my time in the water!! =) Stay cool!!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Friday, June 29, 2012
50 lbs lighter!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I did it!!!
So, I guess you can tell by the title of the post that I received some good news when I weighed in today. I am happy to say that not only did I lose the lbs I wanted to lose but lost the two lbs as well!! I have now lost a total of 51 lbs since 2/22/12!! That makes me feel GOOD!!
To be able to say that I have lost 51 lbs is to say that I have stuck with the plan and that its working for me. I have never followed a plan this long or lost this much!! My next goal will come once I have lost another 22 lbs!! I will keep you all posted once that happens!! I will post a pic this weekend of me at my 50 lbs mark!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
To be able to say that I have lost 51 lbs is to say that I have stuck with the plan and that its working for me. I have never followed a plan this long or lost this much!! My next goal will come once I have lost another 22 lbs!! I will keep you all posted once that happens!! I will post a pic this weekend of me at my 50 lbs mark!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Here we go again!!
Its been a few days since I have posted. The last post was so personal, I wasnt sure if I could get back into the carefree posts that I wrote before then but I am back!! :-) I cant promise I wont get that personal again but not right now.
I mentioned last week that I was close to two goals relating to Weight Watchers and I didnt quite make it!! I hope tomorrow I can post with a different outcome. I am SOOOO close!! Its funny because this is the first time that I have actually had weight loss goals but I find their important. Like someone said, goals are dreams with a deadline, or something to that effect.
If I had to think about ALL of the weight I have to lose, I would probably get overwhelmed and want to quit. Therefore, my small goals keep me focused and motivated and it has worked so far. I cant believe I am less than 2 lbs from having lost 50 lbs in months!!
At tomorrow's WW meeting, we will have an open house and I will be saying a few words about how the program has helped me. I hope I am not super long winded. Sometimes I cant help myself. I am so in the zone right now and everytime I am asked, I just go on and on about how wonderful it is...Wish me luck again!
Thank you for reading and take care!!
I mentioned last week that I was close to two goals relating to Weight Watchers and I didnt quite make it!! I hope tomorrow I can post with a different outcome. I am SOOOO close!! Its funny because this is the first time that I have actually had weight loss goals but I find their important. Like someone said, goals are dreams with a deadline, or something to that effect.
If I had to think about ALL of the weight I have to lose, I would probably get overwhelmed and want to quit. Therefore, my small goals keep me focused and motivated and it has worked so far. I cant believe I am less than 2 lbs from having lost 50 lbs in months!!
At tomorrow's WW meeting, we will have an open house and I will be saying a few words about how the program has helped me. I hope I am not super long winded. Sometimes I cant help myself. I am so in the zone right now and everytime I am asked, I just go on and on about how wonderful it is...Wish me luck again!
Thank you for reading and take care!!
Friday, June 22, 2012
Sandusky's verdict
Ok...I know I just posted less than an hour ago but this verdict has brought up so many feelings in me. When this story first broke, I remember I telling my therapist that I was overwhelmed with different emotions but not really feeling I had a place to express them or even how to express them for that matter. This post may be a little erratic and maybe rambling. It is also going to be very honest and probably very long. I apologize in advance.
When I first about this case, I was one of few people who didn't know who Joe Paterno was how big he was in Penn State. If I didnt know about the infamous, JoePa, I knew even less about Jerry Sandusky. I dont always tune into stories about college sports, however, whenever I hear sexual abuse, I am automatically interested in the story. Reason being, I was raped when I was 7 years old.
My rape is something that some people know about but most dont. Its not something that I broadcast but its also not something hide. When I was 7 years old, I was raped by someone from my neighborhood. He was not someone I had ever met before, just someone who asked for helped and preyed on an innocent child. When I finally told my mother I was raped, she rushed me to the hospital, where I stayed for a week or so. I had a lot of my family come to visit and of course, a lot of law enforcement personnel. I remember not really wanting to talk about it. As much as I was constantly being told that it was not my fault and I did nothing wrong, I felt that it was my fault. I talked to a stranger, when my mother had drilled in my head not to talk to strangers. Then when I was told by a family member, not to discuss my rape with anyone, it sort of cemented the "shame" that I felt. I kept it buried for years until I finally sought therapy 3 1/2 years ago and am now able to talk about it.
I remember how I felt as a 7 year old who just had her innocence shattered by 1 sexual assault. I had a supportive family and thankfully didnt know the person responsible. I felt loved but still felt like something was wrong with me. I was "tarnished" and its a feeling that sometimes haunts me some 25 years after the rape. I could only imagine how some of this man's victims felt. They knew and trusted him and he preyed on them for his own sick pleasure. The fact that it has been proven that people in power were made aware of the abuse and chose to protect the image of the school over the well being of the children sickens me.
I really dont care about JoePa and all that he did for the school of Penn State. I am not saying that I am glad he is dead but I am not overcome with grief either. He is responsible for any victim brutalized after he was informed of the abuse. Hearing countless stories from people who worked with him and confirmed that he knew of most major things happening at the school and also reading the grand jury report, no one will ever convince me that he was innocent in this. He many not have been the actual monster committing the unspeakable acts but he is most certainly responsible for allowing it to continue. He, along with everyone else in power who knew of the abuse, should be held responsible!! If I were being abused and knew that it was being allowed, I am not sure how it would make me feel. Less than human? Worthless?? This is what was done to these kids and who knows how many others that have not come forward.
I guess I am happy with the verdict. At least the victims who had to relive their personal nightmares didnt do it in vain. Hopefully, none of appeals will overturn the verdict. This may sound harsh but I hope he rots in jail and then in hell!! \
Anyways, I've rambled on and can say I feel a little bit better. I still have tumbling emotions and may continue to post...who knows!
Thanks for reading again and take care!
When I first about this case, I was one of few people who didn't know who Joe Paterno was how big he was in Penn State. If I didnt know about the infamous, JoePa, I knew even less about Jerry Sandusky. I dont always tune into stories about college sports, however, whenever I hear sexual abuse, I am automatically interested in the story. Reason being, I was raped when I was 7 years old.
My rape is something that some people know about but most dont. Its not something that I broadcast but its also not something hide. When I was 7 years old, I was raped by someone from my neighborhood. He was not someone I had ever met before, just someone who asked for helped and preyed on an innocent child. When I finally told my mother I was raped, she rushed me to the hospital, where I stayed for a week or so. I had a lot of my family come to visit and of course, a lot of law enforcement personnel. I remember not really wanting to talk about it. As much as I was constantly being told that it was not my fault and I did nothing wrong, I felt that it was my fault. I talked to a stranger, when my mother had drilled in my head not to talk to strangers. Then when I was told by a family member, not to discuss my rape with anyone, it sort of cemented the "shame" that I felt. I kept it buried for years until I finally sought therapy 3 1/2 years ago and am now able to talk about it.
I remember how I felt as a 7 year old who just had her innocence shattered by 1 sexual assault. I had a supportive family and thankfully didnt know the person responsible. I felt loved but still felt like something was wrong with me. I was "tarnished" and its a feeling that sometimes haunts me some 25 years after the rape. I could only imagine how some of this man's victims felt. They knew and trusted him and he preyed on them for his own sick pleasure. The fact that it has been proven that people in power were made aware of the abuse and chose to protect the image of the school over the well being of the children sickens me.
I really dont care about JoePa and all that he did for the school of Penn State. I am not saying that I am glad he is dead but I am not overcome with grief either. He is responsible for any victim brutalized after he was informed of the abuse. Hearing countless stories from people who worked with him and confirmed that he knew of most major things happening at the school and also reading the grand jury report, no one will ever convince me that he was innocent in this. He many not have been the actual monster committing the unspeakable acts but he is most certainly responsible for allowing it to continue. He, along with everyone else in power who knew of the abuse, should be held responsible!! If I were being abused and knew that it was being allowed, I am not sure how it would make me feel. Less than human? Worthless?? This is what was done to these kids and who knows how many others that have not come forward.
I guess I am happy with the verdict. At least the victims who had to relive their personal nightmares didnt do it in vain. Hopefully, none of appeals will overturn the verdict. This may sound harsh but I hope he rots in jail and then in hell!! \
Anyways, I've rambled on and can say I feel a little bit better. I still have tumbling emotions and may continue to post...who knows!
Thanks for reading again and take care!
Diets
Lately, as people have noticed my weight loss, diets have naturally been a topic of conversation. I find myself constantly repeating that I don't feel like I am on a diet. This is a lifestyle change that I have made. I am making every effort to not only change how I look but also to change my relationship with food. Its not about just losing the excess weight that I currently have but once its off, I will have to maintain the loss. The only way I can do this is to eat as I will eat for the rest of my life.
The problem I have with most of the main diets like Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and even Atkins is that they're unrealistic. With the first 2, from what I understand, the meals are delivered to your home and you're really only heating it up. With the last diet, you're completely giving up a food group. What happens when most people meet their goal weight with those diets and go back to eating regular foods?? They regain what they lost and sometimes gain some extra pounds just for good measure. SURPRISED?!?! You shouldnt be. These diets' success is mainly based on eating "special" foods or in a "different" way then normal. So, when you go back to eating normal foods, your weight skyrockets!! Like a friend told me her fiance said, the weight is like the Jeffersons' theme song, just movin' on up!!
One of the reasons I LOVE Weight Watchers is because I eat regular food. I mainly just changed my portion size and also how I eat my favorite foods. For example, my breakfast this morning was a ham, pepper jack cheese and onion egg white omelette with an english muffin. It was DELICIOUS!! For lunch, I had roasted chicken, rice and veggies. This was also very tasty!! I ate relatively light for the day because I was supposed to go to eat tonight. My plans were cancelled, so I had enough points to eat one of my favorite foods, CHINESE!! :-) In the past, I would have eaten a sausage, egg and cheese for breakfast, maybe McDonald's 20 piece for lunch and also indulged in a high point (HIGH FAT) dinner. Sometimes I may have eaten a dessert. Now I plan what I am going to eat. If I know that I am going to be going out and I make better choices during the day. This way when I am indulging for dinner, I dont feel guilty because I planned for it.
Now, this is not to say that it is easy. As my sister reminded me today, no diet or lifestyle change is easy. They ALL require work and effort; some a little more than others. I measure or weigh everything I eat. I dont just eat what I want anymore. If I am going out to eat, I typically research where I am going and then determine how many points the meals that I am interested are. This can take up to an hour at a time but you know, its worth it. I like the fact that I can normally and even go out and not have to depend on grilled chicken and salad, which while good, can be extemely BORING!!
I am not a spokesperson for Weight Watchers, at least not yet! :-) I advocate people lose weight however works for them, just make sure you think about how you're going to maintain the weight loss. This way you are creating a path for success!!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
The problem I have with most of the main diets like Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and even Atkins is that they're unrealistic. With the first 2, from what I understand, the meals are delivered to your home and you're really only heating it up. With the last diet, you're completely giving up a food group. What happens when most people meet their goal weight with those diets and go back to eating regular foods?? They regain what they lost and sometimes gain some extra pounds just for good measure. SURPRISED?!?! You shouldnt be. These diets' success is mainly based on eating "special" foods or in a "different" way then normal. So, when you go back to eating normal foods, your weight skyrockets!! Like a friend told me her fiance said, the weight is like the Jeffersons' theme song, just movin' on up!!
One of the reasons I LOVE Weight Watchers is because I eat regular food. I mainly just changed my portion size and also how I eat my favorite foods. For example, my breakfast this morning was a ham, pepper jack cheese and onion egg white omelette with an english muffin. It was DELICIOUS!! For lunch, I had roasted chicken, rice and veggies. This was also very tasty!! I ate relatively light for the day because I was supposed to go to eat tonight. My plans were cancelled, so I had enough points to eat one of my favorite foods, CHINESE!! :-) In the past, I would have eaten a sausage, egg and cheese for breakfast, maybe McDonald's 20 piece for lunch and also indulged in a high point (HIGH FAT) dinner. Sometimes I may have eaten a dessert. Now I plan what I am going to eat. If I know that I am going to be going out and I make better choices during the day. This way when I am indulging for dinner, I dont feel guilty because I planned for it.
Now, this is not to say that it is easy. As my sister reminded me today, no diet or lifestyle change is easy. They ALL require work and effort; some a little more than others. I measure or weigh everything I eat. I dont just eat what I want anymore. If I am going out to eat, I typically research where I am going and then determine how many points the meals that I am interested are. This can take up to an hour at a time but you know, its worth it. I like the fact that I can normally and even go out and not have to depend on grilled chicken and salad, which while good, can be extemely BORING!!
I am not a spokesperson for Weight Watchers, at least not yet! :-) I advocate people lose weight however works for them, just make sure you think about how you're going to maintain the weight loss. This way you are creating a path for success!!
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
So close....
So... I weighed in today and did not meet any of my small goals!! I actually went up .2 lbs. The funny thing is that I wasn't terribly disappointed. I was more annoyed than anything else! I think I would have felt the same way if I had lost only .2 lbs. I am not discouraged by the lack off a loss. If anything, I am more determined to reach my goal!! Keep the good thoughts coming!! As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Inspirational
Since I have restarted posting in this blog, I have received so many wonderful messages of support and encouragement!! It really means a lot that people are rooting for me on my journey and enjoying what they read. Sometimes I question whether or not I should continue blogging because what if people get bored of what I write or are just not interested. But the real reason I blog is for myself. I like expressing what I am going through and enjoy having a forum to do so.
So often in the last 4 months I have heard that I was an inspiration to someone and that leaves me in awe. The fact that people can see how hard I am working pleases me. Sometimes it can be a little scary because I hate disappointing people. However, as long as I continue being true to myself and my path, I will be ok. I am no longer striving to be perfect, as I have mentioned before, just striving to be the best "me!"
The inspiration works both ways. Everytime I am told of someone trying to become healthier, it reminds me why I started and pushes me forward. I feel like I have a personal cheering section and also additional people who can help me on days I need someone to lean on. That feels good!! :-)
In the spirit of needing support and good vibes, I weigh in tomorrow and I am SOOO nervous because I am so close to my two small goals!! I will keep you posted and let you know if I met any of them!! Wish me luck!
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
So often in the last 4 months I have heard that I was an inspiration to someone and that leaves me in awe. The fact that people can see how hard I am working pleases me. Sometimes it can be a little scary because I hate disappointing people. However, as long as I continue being true to myself and my path, I will be ok. I am no longer striving to be perfect, as I have mentioned before, just striving to be the best "me!"
The inspiration works both ways. Everytime I am told of someone trying to become healthier, it reminds me why I started and pushes me forward. I feel like I have a personal cheering section and also additional people who can help me on days I need someone to lean on. That feels good!! :-)
In the spirit of needing support and good vibes, I weigh in tomorrow and I am SOOO nervous because I am so close to my two small goals!! I will keep you posted and let you know if I met any of them!! Wish me luck!
As always, thanks for reading and take care!!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
I found my neck!
I know that sounds like a wierd title for a post but I promise it means something! :-)
I was at work yesterday and showing my friend my blog. When showing her my pictures, I realized that I needed a close up of myself in January to really note the difference in my appearance after the weight loss. First I logged onto FB and showed her the close up from January. Then, I pulled up a picture on my Itouch that I took on 3/30/12 and finally I took a picture of myself at that moment. When she saw the pic from January and then March, she commented that there was a huge difference! However, when she saw the picture I took and the other ones, she was SHOCKED!! She couldnt believe the difference!! Then she said something that cracked me up at first and then made me realize somethings. She said, "Look, you have a neck now!!" I looked at the difference pictures and realize that my face was so big before that you couldnt clearly see my neck in the pictures from before. However, in the picture from yesterday, my neck was clearly visible!! Hence, I found my neck!
I realized at that moment that I never really looked at my pictures before. I always zeroed in on my face because thats where I saw the issue but in reality, I didnt look at the rest of me. This is also how I looked in mirrors! I never looked in a full length mirror because I really didnt like what I see. When I looked at the smaller mirrors, I only focused on my face and hair and blocked everything else out. Maybe thats why when people ask me if I see the difference, I honestly cant. I mean I feel my clothes fitting me and I see it in the pictures but I dont really feel any different. I think its because I am so used to barely looking at myself and avoiding mirrors, that I never really saw myself before. I have no real frame of reference to compare to other than the pictures.
I am spending a little more time looking at myself in the mirrors, not in a vain way!! lol but just really looking at what I look like. Maybe I will discover some other body parts! :-)
Thanks for reading and take care!!
I was at work yesterday and showing my friend my blog. When showing her my pictures, I realized that I needed a close up of myself in January to really note the difference in my appearance after the weight loss. First I logged onto FB and showed her the close up from January. Then, I pulled up a picture on my Itouch that I took on 3/30/12 and finally I took a picture of myself at that moment. When she saw the pic from January and then March, she commented that there was a huge difference! However, when she saw the picture I took and the other ones, she was SHOCKED!! She couldnt believe the difference!! Then she said something that cracked me up at first and then made me realize somethings. She said, "Look, you have a neck now!!" I looked at the difference pictures and realize that my face was so big before that you couldnt clearly see my neck in the pictures from before. However, in the picture from yesterday, my neck was clearly visible!! Hence, I found my neck!
I realized at that moment that I never really looked at my pictures before. I always zeroed in on my face because thats where I saw the issue but in reality, I didnt look at the rest of me. This is also how I looked in mirrors! I never looked in a full length mirror because I really didnt like what I see. When I looked at the smaller mirrors, I only focused on my face and hair and blocked everything else out. Maybe thats why when people ask me if I see the difference, I honestly cant. I mean I feel my clothes fitting me and I see it in the pictures but I dont really feel any different. I think its because I am so used to barely looking at myself and avoiding mirrors, that I never really saw myself before. I have no real frame of reference to compare to other than the pictures.
I am spending a little more time looking at myself in the mirrors, not in a vain way!! lol but just really looking at what I look like. Maybe I will discover some other body parts! :-)
Thanks for reading and take care!!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Why is this time different??
As I continue on my journey, a question that is constantly coming up is why is this weight loss journey different from all of my previous ones??? Why am I doing so well with Weight Watchers?? Variations of the same question are being thrown at me. I can honestly say that there is no easy answer to this question.
I know I mentioned in a previous post why I decided to rejoin WW and I think I may have even mentioned how I was dragging my feet. The truth is I was tired of having to "diet." Why cant I just eat what I want?? Maybe I am meant to be a heavier person. Who cares if I am heavy? Well, the truth was that I cared. Deep down I knew that it was important for me to make changes. I kept making excuses because I was scared of failing again. Over the last 14 years, I have joined and quit WW over 5 times. I really didnt think that I could succeed long term, so I didnt even want to try. However, when I weighed in and saw how far I had let myself go, I knew I didnt have an option. Hence, the journey started again.
My weight on February 22, 2012, is one of the main reasons that I recommitted to the plan. For years, I hovered around the same weight. I would lose weight, gain weight, lose and gain again but it always remained about the same. When I saw that I was 24.8 lbs MORE than that previous weight, it floored me. If I had weighed in at the same weight I always hovered around, I am not so sure I would have taken it seriously because it would have been doing the same thing I had always done. But at that weight, things had to change!
Another reason why this time is different for me is my therapist. I have been seeing the same therapist since I returned from Structure House 3 years ago and she had documented my struggle with weight and weight loss. When I told her how much I weighed and confessed how scared I was that I would not be able to succeed, she told me something that I still carry with me. She said, "relapse is a part of recovery." She explained how even addicts relapse a few times before staying on the path recovery. She also mentioned that I needed to be nicer to myself and cut myself a break. She echoed what my therapist at SH had said to me, "if someone walked behind you whispering the things you tell yourself, you would probably tell them to knock it off." Of course, they are both right. I am my own worst enemy, as I am sure many of us are.
The last main reason that this time is different is because of Susan. She is the lead of my WW meetings. As I said in my previous post, the one thing she said was, "you dont have to be perfect." She gave me the ok to fail. As weird as that seems, it is important to recognize that from the get go. This in connection with trying to be nice to myself is key to my success. I have taken all judgement out of the food process. If I want to have a cheeseburger, thats fine. I can do so. I just need to pre plan and make sure I am making better choices throughout the day to account for that. If for whatever reason, I have an off day and want to eat beyond the allotted daily points, I could always go into the weekly flex points in the WW program. See with WW, there is no reason that I have to eat "bad." Its all about my choices.
In the beginning, I took it meal by meal. I made better food choices at each meal. As the weight began to come off, I realized I was slightly gaining control over my eating. I began to take it day by day. Incorporating WW into my life became easier and I could see myself doing it long term. I have now been on it almost 4 months, the longest span for me. I have also lost the most I have ever lost with any plan. I no longer berate or belittle myself by reminding myself that I was also the heaviest Id been. I focus on the positive. To avoid becoming overwhelmed, I set small goals. As I accomplish them, it motivates me to continue. I am .4 lbs away from accomplishing one goal and 1.6 away from accomplishing another and I feel great!! :-)
Thanks for reading and take care!! =)
I know I mentioned in a previous post why I decided to rejoin WW and I think I may have even mentioned how I was dragging my feet. The truth is I was tired of having to "diet." Why cant I just eat what I want?? Maybe I am meant to be a heavier person. Who cares if I am heavy? Well, the truth was that I cared. Deep down I knew that it was important for me to make changes. I kept making excuses because I was scared of failing again. Over the last 14 years, I have joined and quit WW over 5 times. I really didnt think that I could succeed long term, so I didnt even want to try. However, when I weighed in and saw how far I had let myself go, I knew I didnt have an option. Hence, the journey started again.
My weight on February 22, 2012, is one of the main reasons that I recommitted to the plan. For years, I hovered around the same weight. I would lose weight, gain weight, lose and gain again but it always remained about the same. When I saw that I was 24.8 lbs MORE than that previous weight, it floored me. If I had weighed in at the same weight I always hovered around, I am not so sure I would have taken it seriously because it would have been doing the same thing I had always done. But at that weight, things had to change!
Another reason why this time is different for me is my therapist. I have been seeing the same therapist since I returned from Structure House 3 years ago and she had documented my struggle with weight and weight loss. When I told her how much I weighed and confessed how scared I was that I would not be able to succeed, she told me something that I still carry with me. She said, "relapse is a part of recovery." She explained how even addicts relapse a few times before staying on the path recovery. She also mentioned that I needed to be nicer to myself and cut myself a break. She echoed what my therapist at SH had said to me, "if someone walked behind you whispering the things you tell yourself, you would probably tell them to knock it off." Of course, they are both right. I am my own worst enemy, as I am sure many of us are.
The last main reason that this time is different is because of Susan. She is the lead of my WW meetings. As I said in my previous post, the one thing she said was, "you dont have to be perfect." She gave me the ok to fail. As weird as that seems, it is important to recognize that from the get go. This in connection with trying to be nice to myself is key to my success. I have taken all judgement out of the food process. If I want to have a cheeseburger, thats fine. I can do so. I just need to pre plan and make sure I am making better choices throughout the day to account for that. If for whatever reason, I have an off day and want to eat beyond the allotted daily points, I could always go into the weekly flex points in the WW program. See with WW, there is no reason that I have to eat "bad." Its all about my choices.
In the beginning, I took it meal by meal. I made better food choices at each meal. As the weight began to come off, I realized I was slightly gaining control over my eating. I began to take it day by day. Incorporating WW into my life became easier and I could see myself doing it long term. I have now been on it almost 4 months, the longest span for me. I have also lost the most I have ever lost with any plan. I no longer berate or belittle myself by reminding myself that I was also the heaviest Id been. I focus on the positive. To avoid becoming overwhelmed, I set small goals. As I accomplish them, it motivates me to continue. I am .4 lbs away from accomplishing one goal and 1.6 away from accomplishing another and I feel great!! :-)
Thanks for reading and take care!! =)
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Nurture
As I posted in my last blog, I was sick this whole weekend!! My honey, Elio, usually takes care of me. However, he had to work this weekend, so my plan was to come home and just sleep the weekend away. I remember on my drive home from work, I was thinking that it would be nice to have some soup but I didnt have any energy to stop at the store.
Well, when I got home, Elio's mom asked me how I was feeling and said she was going to make me some soup but I had picked up a sandwich. She instead made me a delicious tea to help with the cold. After I woke up from a nap, she made me some soup. She made sure to bring it to my bed room and make sure that I had everything I need. She did the same thing the following day. Made me a pot of tea and a pot of soup. The soup was delicious and I was grateful.
The kind gesture had me thinking about the fact that my mom is not around. She has not been around for over 20 years. Most of the time I am ok with this. I did ok with the hand I was dealt. I was blessed to have my sister in my life, every step of the away!!! She, along with my aunt, Rosa and my grandmother, made sure I rarely felt the absence of my mom. However, times like when I am sick, I am reminded of that missing part of my life.
It makes one feel love to be fussed over and taken care of. To know that Lidia was making me soup and tea, made me feel nurtured. I was also blessed to have my sister and Elio text me throughout the day to check on my status. I never felt alone and that was wonderful.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!
Well, when I got home, Elio's mom asked me how I was feeling and said she was going to make me some soup but I had picked up a sandwich. She instead made me a delicious tea to help with the cold. After I woke up from a nap, she made me some soup. She made sure to bring it to my bed room and make sure that I had everything I need. She did the same thing the following day. Made me a pot of tea and a pot of soup. The soup was delicious and I was grateful.
The kind gesture had me thinking about the fact that my mom is not around. She has not been around for over 20 years. Most of the time I am ok with this. I did ok with the hand I was dealt. I was blessed to have my sister in my life, every step of the away!!! She, along with my aunt, Rosa and my grandmother, made sure I rarely felt the absence of my mom. However, times like when I am sick, I am reminded of that missing part of my life.
It makes one feel love to be fussed over and taken care of. To know that Lidia was making me soup and tea, made me feel nurtured. I was also blessed to have my sister and Elio text me throughout the day to check on my status. I never felt alone and that was wonderful.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Summer colds suck!!
So, at the start of the week, I was super excited about the weekend. It was going to be GORGEOUS out and I had a birthday party for my good friend's daughter and then going out afterward to hang out with other good friends. As the weekend drew near, I found myself a little more tired and out of it. I thought it was just boredom at work... well on Thursday, it hit me. I MIGHT BE GETTING SICK! It was either I was catching a cold or the allergies were affecting me. I PRAYED that it was allergies because then I could get on the right medicines but after Thursday night, I knew it was a cold. I went to sleep at 9 PM and woke up at 10:30, 10:45, 12:00, 2:15 and could not get back to sleep until 4 AM, woke up again at 5:15, before finally waking up for work at 6! Once at work, I went to the medical department and the nurse looked in my ear and said there was fluid, looked at my tongue and said it was definitely a cold and then looked in my nose and said my nasal passage was inflammed. This stinks!! I stayed at work until 12 and then went home to get some rest.
When I came home, I laid down and slept for 2 and 1/2 hours. Elio's mom then made me a delicious cup of tea and I found myself asking what was in it because I worried about the points. She then made me Lipton soup and I looked at the package to make sure I stayed within my points. It then hit me...is this a good or bad thing that even when I am feeling my worse, I am still worried about points and making sure I dont go over. First thing this morning, I looked up the soup value and entered it online. I tracked yesterday's points to make sure everything was up to date. You see, I am scared that if I dont track now, I will get into the habit of not tracking and will come off the successful path that I started back in February.
That must be a huge fear for anyone who has lost weight. The fear of gaining it back!! Studies show that when you gain the weight, you usually gain more than what you lost! I am certainly proof of that! But should I cut myself a break because I am sick? I dont think so. I think as long as I can continue to track and stay on track, the better it is. After all, when I dont track, I only hurt myself! I am going to go lay back down now and try to get some sleep... I might be back later.
Thanks for reading and take care! :-)
When I came home, I laid down and slept for 2 and 1/2 hours. Elio's mom then made me a delicious cup of tea and I found myself asking what was in it because I worried about the points. She then made me Lipton soup and I looked at the package to make sure I stayed within my points. It then hit me...is this a good or bad thing that even when I am feeling my worse, I am still worried about points and making sure I dont go over. First thing this morning, I looked up the soup value and entered it online. I tracked yesterday's points to make sure everything was up to date. You see, I am scared that if I dont track now, I will get into the habit of not tracking and will come off the successful path that I started back in February.
That must be a huge fear for anyone who has lost weight. The fear of gaining it back!! Studies show that when you gain the weight, you usually gain more than what you lost! I am certainly proof of that! But should I cut myself a break because I am sick? I dont think so. I think as long as I can continue to track and stay on track, the better it is. After all, when I dont track, I only hurt myself! I am going to go lay back down now and try to get some sleep... I might be back later.
Thanks for reading and take care! :-)
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
I'm back!!
So, I have been thinking a lot about my life and about all of the progress I have made in the last few years. I decided that it would be nice to start writing in this blog again. It gives me a forum to express what I am going through. As I prepared to start writing again, I decided to read my previous posts and I have to say, I was overwhelmed by my emotions. The amount of love I received from so many people was amazing. I felt it then but especially feel it now. It reaffirmed for me why restarting the blog was a great idea!!
For those who dont know, I started blogging three years ago when I went to a weight loss center in North Carolina. I felt it was a great way to connect with my loved ones back at home and to keep everyone abreast of my progress. When I was in the center, it was easy to blog. I was in a positive place and excited about my future. When I got home after 4 weeks, the real world hit me like a ton of bricks and I slowly gave up on the blogging, as I was slowly giving up on myself. My aunt continously asked me to restart writing and I obliged her by writing an entry in November but that was a very sad post. I was feeling like a huge disappointment- I disappointed myself, my job, my friends and my family...or so I thought...I didnt give the blog another thought over the last few years until now.
Last year was an interesting year for me. I moved in with my honey's parents and began OVERINDULGING in all my favorite foods. I was in a job I hated and in a new environment. I didnt realize it but I was on a downward spiral. Slowly, I started putting on weight but denied it to myself. I thought, oh its just a few pounds and I could lose it easily. This frame of mind continued until January, when we went out to celebrate Elio's birthday. NOTHING fit!!! I was soooo frustrated and soooo angry with myself!! I had to buy an outfit that was 1 size bigger than my largest size. I knew I had to do something but was very reluctant. Then I saw some pictures from that night on FB and I wanted to cry. My face was HUGE!!
Over the next few weeks, I decided to join Weight Watchers because it was a plan that had always worked for me. The day I had to weigh in, I did so with a heavy heart. I really didnt want to face reality. When my lead, Susan, wrote down my weight, my heart DROPPED. I had put on over 30 lbs and was 23 lbs heavier than my previous high!! How did I let this happen?? My lead told me something that really started me on my new weight loss journey. She said, "You dont have to be perfect. Just start by tracking everything you eat, even if you dont follow the program." Well, that first line stuck with me. I dont have to be perfect, I just have to do my best and take an active interest in my health and well being.
That was 15 weeks ago and I am soo proud to say I have lost 45 lbs!! This is the first time I can say that I am proud of myself. I am working hard and making sure to stay on track. In the first month or so, I took it meal by meal because if not, I would get overwhelmed. I now take it day by day! For the first time, I have been on track for over 3 months and have not "slipped" at all. I know there may come a time where I slip and I will not beat myself up over it. I am human and dont have to be perfect.
This was a long post but I plan to write more often!! I hope you enjoyed reading. If you feel like sharing any thoughts, encouragement or positive energy, please leave a comment.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!! :-)
For those who dont know, I started blogging three years ago when I went to a weight loss center in North Carolina. I felt it was a great way to connect with my loved ones back at home and to keep everyone abreast of my progress. When I was in the center, it was easy to blog. I was in a positive place and excited about my future. When I got home after 4 weeks, the real world hit me like a ton of bricks and I slowly gave up on the blogging, as I was slowly giving up on myself. My aunt continously asked me to restart writing and I obliged her by writing an entry in November but that was a very sad post. I was feeling like a huge disappointment- I disappointed myself, my job, my friends and my family...or so I thought...I didnt give the blog another thought over the last few years until now.
Last year was an interesting year for me. I moved in with my honey's parents and began OVERINDULGING in all my favorite foods. I was in a job I hated and in a new environment. I didnt realize it but I was on a downward spiral. Slowly, I started putting on weight but denied it to myself. I thought, oh its just a few pounds and I could lose it easily. This frame of mind continued until January, when we went out to celebrate Elio's birthday. NOTHING fit!!! I was soooo frustrated and soooo angry with myself!! I had to buy an outfit that was 1 size bigger than my largest size. I knew I had to do something but was very reluctant. Then I saw some pictures from that night on FB and I wanted to cry. My face was HUGE!!
Over the next few weeks, I decided to join Weight Watchers because it was a plan that had always worked for me. The day I had to weigh in, I did so with a heavy heart. I really didnt want to face reality. When my lead, Susan, wrote down my weight, my heart DROPPED. I had put on over 30 lbs and was 23 lbs heavier than my previous high!! How did I let this happen?? My lead told me something that really started me on my new weight loss journey. She said, "You dont have to be perfect. Just start by tracking everything you eat, even if you dont follow the program." Well, that first line stuck with me. I dont have to be perfect, I just have to do my best and take an active interest in my health and well being.
That was 15 weeks ago and I am soo proud to say I have lost 45 lbs!! This is the first time I can say that I am proud of myself. I am working hard and making sure to stay on track. In the first month or so, I took it meal by meal because if not, I would get overwhelmed. I now take it day by day! For the first time, I have been on track for over 3 months and have not "slipped" at all. I know there may come a time where I slip and I will not beat myself up over it. I am human and dont have to be perfect.
This was a long post but I plan to write more often!! I hope you enjoyed reading. If you feel like sharing any thoughts, encouragement or positive energy, please leave a comment.
As always, thanks for reading and take care!! :-)
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